It can be hard to forgive someone who has done you wrong. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you have with them. They could be a spouse, friend, family member, or even your next door neighbor. If they have hurt you in some way then you may be holding on to feelings of anger and hurt.
We tend to not forgive someone because we don’t want them to feel like what they did was okay. We want them to know that they hurt us and that they need to pay for that hurt.
But forgiving someone is not really about them. It’s more for your benefit then for their benefit.
Just because you forgive someone you are not saying that they are right. For instance, family of murder victims do not forgive the killers because they are admitting that what they did was okay – that is obvious. No, they forgive so that they can let go of the anger or hatred and move on with their lives without this cloud of negativity that is hanging over their head.
Three Things to Remember To Help You Forgive Someone
There are three things to remember that will make it easier for you to forgive someone after they have hurt you.
YOU Deserve Total Happiness
When you forgive someone you are freeing yourself from the negativity that surrounds the situation, and you as a person. You are allowing yourself to move on with your life and get out of an unhealthy state of anger. You are not letting THEM control how YOU feel anymore. You are doing yourself a huge favor!
Living with regret, anger, hatred, or any other negative feeling, blocks you from living a truly happy life. You can’t be fully happy when you are holding in anger. You can’t enjoy yourself and live with passion when you stop and think about what that person did to you all the time.
BUT when you forgive someone and get on with living your life, you can enjoy your life for what it is right now. You can remove the hold that they have on you and start taking charge of your own life and happiness.
The Present Moment is Worth Living In!
Secondly, you are allowing yourself to live in the present moment when you forgive. When you are holding on to past trespasses against you then you are living in the past. Living in the past robs you of this moment right now – what I like to call your real life.
For instance, you recall what someone did to you in the past and you let it ruin your day instead of enjoying the here and now. You think about it, relive it, and think about what you would have, should have, and could have done. You let your day slip by and miss the wonderful and good things that happen in it
All we have is now. Forgive the past and focus on the now for a happy and fulfilling life.
They Are Who They Are
Thirdly, there is a simple truth that you have to remember about people who do stupid things.
If they would have known better, they would’ve done better.
They did what they could with what they had. If they had been a more loving, happy, kind, or positive person then chances are they would not have hurt you in whatever way they did. But they did the best with what they had.
This simple truth should be enough to let you forgive them without anger. It should allow you to see that they really are who they are and don’t have the capacity to do any better.
For instance, if they hurt you by calling you a name then they obviously do not have a whole lot of compassion for other people’s feelings. If they did have that compassion then they wouldn’t have called you that name.
If they don’t have a lot of compassion for others then they are probably walking around and spreading misery to more people than just you, which in turn spreads negativity to their own lives. So, in essence, they are not happy people in their own lives.
Another example? Let’s say someone cheated on you and you really want to forgive them. Then you have to remember that they would have done better if they knew better. Maybe they don’t think about how their actions affect other people. Maybe they don’t have great morals. Maybe they don’t think cheating is a bad thing in their own mind. Who knows?
Whatever it is, if they had been a person who thinks before they act and takes into consideration their partners feelings and the consequences of their actions, then they wouldn’t have cheated.
I want to make one note about relationship or any other betrayal on this level. Understanding that your partner didn’t know any better does not make what they did right. It does not mean that you have to put up with them or stay with them because they are uniformed people who don’t know any better.
Chances are if they didn’t know better at that point in their life, they do not know any better now – unless they have gotten some help.
Forgiving them for cheating on you, for example, does not mean you have to stay with them. It just means you are aware that they didn’t know any better and are not at a capacity that you thought they were.
So, in conclusion, forgiving someone may be hard to do. But once you realize that you are taking care of YOUR happiness when you forgive, and that you are allowing yourself to live in the present moment, and once you recognize the fact that they just didn’t know how to react in a better way – then you can allow yourself to forgive and move on. Let them deal with their own happiness (or unhappiness) in life, and take care of your life and happiness first.