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- Dating Tips: When Your Mate Has Manic Depression/ Bipolar Disorder - May 23, 2011
- Should You Pay To Join A Dating Website? - April 28, 2011
- Tips for a Successful Blind Date - April 22, 2011
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The Challenges of Bipolar Disorder Dating
Dating certainly comes with its emotional highs and lows. You can be singing the praises of that new person in your life one minute and then stressing about something that was said or unsaid, or something that you did or failed to do the next minute. Even the most hardened of people will feel the emotional tug of love, jealousy, heartache, and the other spectrum of emotions that come with dating.
While dating in even the best of circumstances can be difficult to say the least, likely none of the relationships you have been in have fully prepared you for the relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder. When your new mate has manic depression/bipolar disorder symptoms, the ups and downs of a traditional relationship seem like a kiddie ride at an amusement park. The emotions of a relationship where manic depression/bipolar disorder is at play truly overshadows any other relationship you have been in when it comes to extreme ups and downs.
When You Suspect the Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis
There are essentially two ways you can enter into a relationship with someone with manic depression/bipolar disorder. Either your new mate has been aware of the condition and has masked the symptoms from you, as many with this disorder are very adept at doing, or your new mate hasn’t yet been diagnosed with the condition.
The fact is that many people living with the bipolar disorder condition, whether it has been diagnosed or not, do not like to talk about their episodes. The condition is characterized by very distinct periods of blissful happiness known as mania as well as dark low points when depression is present, and while these periods of extreme highs and lows can last for days, the transition between the two can be sudden and dramatic.
If you suspect your new mate may have bipolar disorder, you should approach the subject tactfully and carefully, all the while trying to prevent having your mate feel like you are attacking them or targeting him or her. This is a very common condition, and it is entirely treatable with medication. However, the first step is getting your loved one in to see a doctor. You can learn more about bipolar disorder mania and depression by reading about the symptoms online.
When You Know the Diagnosis
Your new mate may be very aware of the mental illness he or she is living with, and may have been diagnosed months or years ago. If this is the case, you can help him or her out by ensuring medications are taken as directed and ensuring that he or she keeps all medical appointments. The medication will absolutely help to keep those extreme highs and lows that are characteristic of manic depression/bipolar disorder from being quite so extreme. This means that your relationship will not have to suffer through the intense roller coaster of emotions that it otherwise would.
Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder Dating
As you likely know all too well by now, dating someone with manic depression/bipolar disorder is a real challenge. The truth is that not everyone is cut out for being involved in this type of intense relationship. Upon learning the truth about what you are facing, you need to be truthful first with yourself and then with your partner about if you are ready to continue with the relationship.
You should be prepared for a relationship that is truly intense. Relationships where one of the partners has manic depression/bipolar disorder are often dictated by periods of intense fighting and emotionally charged arguments. Break-ups are usually frequent, but make-up sessions often follow shortly after and the make-up can be just as passionate, or more so, than the break-up.
You should be prepared to roll with the punches, so to speak, and you should know that most likely these break-ups are not the mark of the end of your relationship but rather a peak in your mate’s emotions. You should also do your best to remain calm during these episodes of fighting so that the fights and arguments do not escalate unnecessarily.
It is important that you are aware that both the highs and the lows of your partner’s emotional spectrum can have an impact on you. You may think that the high points, which are characterized by extreme happiness and even excitability, may be great for your relationship. However, these high points can also be dictated by the person wanting to try new things and live out an adventurous streak. For some, this may mean traveling to new and exciting places on a whim. For others, however, it may mean driving too fast and far too recklessly, experimenting with alcohol and drugs, and even adopting a promiscuous lifestyle for that period of time. As you can imagine, the high points can certainly have an impact on your relationship.
With the lows, you will generally find that your partner is down and exhibits symptoms that most people think about when depression comes to mind. They may cry often and for no apparent reason. They may pull away from social situations and become more reclusive. As far as your relationship goes, your mate may even pull away from you. This emotional distance can be difficult to live with, especially when you believed the relationship was on solid footing. Yet when you know that this emotional distance has been created because of the illness and not because of anything you have done, it is often easier to live with.
Your Future Together
As you can see, dating someone with manic depression/bipolar disorder is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. As much as you may love your new mate, this relationship will be taxing on you emotionally. Often, couples who are in such a relationship will benefit from seeking out couple’s therapy and attending regular sessions. This can help the two of you to stay on even ground and work through the complex and extreme emotions you both may feel throughout your relationship.
You may be wondering if there is hope for a relationship like yours that has to endure these incredible and intense emotions on a regular basis. The fact is that many couples who deal with bipolar disorder just like you two go on to enjoy very long, happy, and albeit emotional at times relationships.
Sound Off About Bipolar Disorder Dating In the Comments Section Below
Other Articles by Sarah Connor:
Why Is She Dating Him?
Internet Dating Site Safety Tips
What Everyone Ought to Know About Dating After Divorce
Should You Pay To Join A Dating Website?
How To Look And Act When Meeting His Parents
About The Author
Sarah T. Connor is a successful dating advice guru and the publisher of Free Date dot net, a datehookup and 100% totally free online dating and matching service for singles who are looking for that special someone. Sarah Connor has a B.S. Degree from the University of Maryland.
© Copyright 2011 CanonPublishingLLC
Thank you so much for this one. I am aware of bipolars and i know it’s not easy to deal with that. But i think that with proper guidance a relationship with a bipolar can work. At least now i know more about this. And when the day comes that i get a date with a bipolar, i know how to handle the situation. Thanks for sharing this one! This is indeed very helpful!
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Thanks Jamby! Your feedback is really helpful!
Sarah
Twitter: humble_observer
Great read! It put the spotlight on my myself. My grandmother’s sister had bipolar disorder and my grandmother, uncle, brother, and myself have all had bouts of depression.
I can definitely see suttle boats of bipolar disorder in my own life. I will never get it diagnosed though as I think it’s just life trying to teach me lessons (life choices, what to do next, etc.).
But if the medication does help some people, all the power to them.
Dr. Christopher recently posted..How To Squat
Hmmm…not so scientific of you Doctor!
I hope you don’t take that attitude with other possible illness indications! Statistics say that about 33% of people suffering from Bipolar Disorder die from it. Just like heart disease, brain tumors, or any other illness the key to successful treatment is proper diagnosis and using modern medicine. Having depression doesn’t necessarily mean that Bipolar Disorder is the cause but in all cases it is wise to obtain a medical diagnosis.
Twitter: Vemma Brisbane
If you could see the chaos caused by people with a serious disorder such as bipolar that can be largely controlled through medication, you would think very differently. Not only the emotional highs and lows of an uncontrolled mental illness but the devastating effects on families if that person commits a crime or takes their own life!
When you are in a relationship with somebody who is mentally unwell, it is easy to fall into a trap of neglecting yourself, because all your energy is on the other person.
It is in your partner’s best interests to keep yourself healthy too, and there are lots of helpful support groups for people who live with someone who is bipolar – a quick Internet search will reveal them.
Karen – Second Chance Romance recently posted..Time of Roses
You are so very correct Karen and thanks so much for adding in that post!
Sarah
Great read definitely important, its ard dealing with the “down” all the time but it works if you can handle it.
This is a good post, the more people that understand all psychological disorders, the better and I have known psychiatrists to misdiagnose and they often don’t appear to understand. We all need to be tolerant of all illness because we can’t go through life always avoiding illness; it happens to all of us at some time.
There are some who thinks that going to a psychiatrist is embarrassing. We should always think that it is always best to talk to someone who understands us.
As much as you may love your new mate, this relationship will be taxing on you emotionally – 100% agree with this idea
Wow. It’s tough out there. Thank god I’m married.
Great article! My field of study is in regular relationships..its interesting to see a perspective where the brain doesnt work ‘normally:
I have always been fond of topics like bipolar disorder. I am interested how people with this disorder can go on with their lives. I salute them for being so brave, I know that having this manic attacks can really create pain not only to someone who has the disorder but to his/her family as well.
I certainly believe that going to the Psychiatrist as soon as you suspect yourself of being different is crucial. Never ever think that going to your Dr. will make the matter worst for she/he is there to help you in the best possible way.
Taking your medicine on time is very important too. Your family will be a great help to remind you about it.
Having bipolar disorder is not the end of your life. Having someone with this disorder is never easy at all, but doing the things together will keep the relationship stronger. You must follow the guidance set by your Psychiatrist.
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Having bi-polar disorder sucks. I have been living with it as long as I can remember but am afraid to get it diagnosed because of what kinds of meds are used to treat it. It is something that makes a person entirely self destructive. There are more like 3 parts to it. Not just happy and sad. There are points when you can’t sleep sometimes for days on end and want to have sex all the time and can’t stop talking, moving, bouncing around and this is the only point I actually feel happy. The rest of the time is more the bleak blah so so nothingness of mild depression where nothing is great or horrible or remarkable or enjoyable and you miss the manic. Then comes the really fun part, when your crying uncontrolably and so angry and you hate everyone and everything mostly yourself you can’t feel anything physically and sometimes it gets to a point so deep your not really there anymore you just shut down and the funny part of this is this is when people generally think you’ve calmed down that its OK now when really its about the farthest point from OK I can think of it makes me imagine the people who have either entirely lost there minds or are so doped up they can’t control themselves anymore. If you were dating me don’t argue with me keep me safe keep loving me give me what I need to come back cause you know me ad this isn’t me this is someone scary this is not the person either of us want me to be. If this could be treated with something other than lithium that has so many side effects and like seriously rapes your soul. or the anti seizure meds that actually let the depression win most of the time and make people like us kill ourselves and then there are the antipsycotics that could make you well psycotic. I do think I’ll go to a doctor though to help with anxiety maybe that will bring the manic back to the front I really miss the manic that is me the real me te me I like and I don’t want that part to go away just the other two sides.
I have an ex which I think was bipolar. Highly regret wasting those 15 months of my life. I don’t want to sound harsh, but I think i must have been crazy to stay with him that long. Maybe I was the mental one? After all, water does seek it’s own level…
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I guess its hard to adjust into that kind of relationship, but if you really love that person, understanding his situation is the key to stay last longer.
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Great article, and a very useful one, as there is a need for the partners of people who have a bipolar disorder to know exactly what they are getting in to, and to know how to handle the situation.
I think your suggestion that people in a relationship with someone suffering bipolar disorder to get couples therapy is great advice, and I believe it’s one of the things that will allow such a relationship to flourish and last.
Wow I think it takes a very very patient person to maintain a relationship with a Bipolar or Manic depressive person.
Now I once had a boss in my high school summer job who suffered from Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder and one day she decided to go cold turkey and suddenly stopped taking her meds…Let’s just say work became a rollercoster and I quit shortly afterward…
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People these days even if they don’t have bipolar disorder, they often act like they do. The stress we’re forced to endure in this busy world makes it hard to identify the ones that actually have the disease
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It is not that easy to be with someone who have this kind of disorder. Different moods are always there from time to time. I think the only way to deal with this kind of person is to know them better. Once you know all the things about them, from experiences, attitudes to their outlook in life, you can relate to them easily.
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More and more people in our society are being diagnosed with some form of depression. It is great that you wrote an article on how to deal with personal relationships because this is often overlooked. Everyone deserves to have someone love them and this article proves that there are ways to deal with and accept a Bi-polar mate.
its really so nice information regarding Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis. I get very imp thing from this article is that how to balance your relation in such a situations. I am so much thankful for this because my partner has same this problem.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/PatreceSmith
Thanks for the personality development tips. I don’t know about the future but I think if ever I meet someone with this disorder right now, I won’t rush it and will think it over a hundred times.It is so hard to keep relationships right now and I’m not so good at handling tantrums and break ups.
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I’t refreshing to come across advice about love. This will be very helpful indeed.
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Thank you so much for this article. It has shed some light. I think I’m married to someone with this condition. It took me a while to pick up the pattern in their behavior. When my partner hears from me something he does not like, he completely loses it. I’ve seen people losing it in the past, but this is on a totally different level. He says and does stuff that’s really damaging to the relationship. Like making really hasty decisions at the spur of the moment. I’m talking big decisions here that have a huge impact on our lives. Then a short while after that, he goes through a phase when he’s really remorseful about what he’s done. From then he immediately wants to kiss and make up. And have sex. Lots of it.
Before I picked up that this was a pattern, I thought he was really abusive, verbally, emotionally, physically, mentally you name it. Can I just ask if what I’ve just described could be related to manic depression/ bipolar disorder. His mother has been diagnosed with the condition.
Please help.
i have just starting dating a bipolar. He is the best and worst thing that has happened to me. When he is doing well then we are doing well. If he is unwell then we suffer. For instance just last evening I apparently rolled my eyes at him and that just set him off. We were with others. I have an anxiety disorder myself so when I get upset it is hard for me to calm down. The most frustrating thing is when he gets upset with me I suddenly am the worst person in the world. I told him when he attacks me then I will strike back I will not let him abuse me verbally. I told him that I would like our arguments over petty nonsense to stop. He looked me dead in the eye and said then stop fighting back. What do I do? No matter how I try to monitor my behavior so he will not get this way he does and then I turn into the guilty party. Help!!
i just ready your blog, and i myslef have been in a realtionship for 10 yrs, (we broke up 2 yrs ago) he was very emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive…..a yr after we broke up i got into another realtionship with a man, whom i swore was my soul mate, my knight in shining armour, the love of my life…….4 months into our realtionship, he started with verbal abuse then emotional and by 9 months in he was physical abusing me, it got worse and worse and worse, it got to the point that he would throw me around at least once a week….finally the day came when i called police, i will not be treated like that ever again, i lived with it for ten long horrible years and he beat me down to nothing, self esteem was gone, i was a looser in my mind….and i am bouncing back and met this wonder man, and he is doing the same thing, i found myself asking myself……..what the hell am i doing wrong? what is it that pushes my boyfrineds over the edge? didnt matter wether ignored it, or tried to pacify the situation, or wether i fought back…..the end result was the same, finally i went to his mother, becuase i am in love with him very much, i wanted help for us…a week later he had a break down so to speak and his mom took him to the hospitol, he was then diagnosed with bi-polar ……he has been on meds now for about 6 months, i dont think hes on the right ones yet, i guess what im trying to say, is my ten yr relationship, befor my boyfriend now, he is bi polar too but will never admit it and i never would have known he is bi polar if my current boyfriend didnt find out he was….i thought he was just an a hole…..bi polar never crossed my mind, but now that i know, i know the signs to watch for, what i need is help dealing with it and keeping our relationship strong, we have grown so far apart, i have not lived with him for 6 months now, when i charged him with assult, i love him just as much as i did befor, but i feel he is not still in love with me because of the way he is toward me…..now is that his bipolar disorder? or is that his true feelings? i guess i need to learn about the disorder more, im trying to find our via google….And i definatly have mentioned couples counciling to him befor, bur he never says much about it, i am going to his next phyciatrist appointment with him, hoping that i will get some information that im missing…another thing i want to know is …. is how the hell he hid the mood swings from me for the first 4 months….i dont get that… will he ever be diagnosed with not having the disorder? meaning do the meds just help pacify the disorder or will it heal him? COUPLES COUNCILING..IS A DEFINATE YES……BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL THAT ARE IN LOVE WITH A MAN OR WOMAN THAT IS BIPOLAR….DEFINATLY HARD WORK, EVERY REALTISONHIP TAKES WORK, BUT THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP,,,,,,YOU GOTTTA HAVE REALLY STRONG FEELINGS TO MAKE IT WORK….)))
I had a friend who was bipolar and she was a real whirlwind of energy. I loved her to death, but I’m not energetic enough to date someone with that type of energy.
Although, like you said, when you remember that it’s an illness and not because of you it should make it easier to deal with.
Very interesting article. Dating someone with an illness is a thought that most people don’t have when they go out looking for someone to date. But you never know who you will fall in love with, and being prepared to handle an illness that comes with them is essential towards making it work.
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Thanks for your insightful article.You’re correct about the fights,break-ups & making up.I’ve endured a dozen such breakups,each time the bipolar gf saying it’s over for good-only to return in days or weeks.A month ago,it happened again & she seems to have slipped into a long depression,mixed episode, or mania.How do you tell the difference between the two phases?She’s gone form saying she loves me to sending irrational,very angry texts.It seems like a different person.Will a person like this eventually level out & return to normal-she’s been in therapy w/ a new pdoc ever since.
I am a manic depressive myself, and suffered at my worst when I was 19, I had several spells for 5yrs, being section and medicated but I am a head strong person and learnt about myself and what trigger it off, Mine was stress, drinking too much,too many parties, not sleeping and no close friend. So I sorted my life out, I have had a few relationships last 2yrs or so but never settled down, I have 3 children now and they seam to help me settle, I work, live a sensible life and dont take medication or see a doctor anymore, I belive in mind over matter and in my case it works. Still have my ups and downs like anyone else but know my limits, sleep well and eat properly, Im a fun person and are in a relationship so we not all crazy, dark, evil characters, and I hope some day people will see its not the end, just get to know yourself and what makes you manic in the first place. Im 40yrs now and live a great life.
Twitter: chantel_mario
Hey Sarah. Seems like you have been through a lot. I guess the advise mentioned above is priceless and you’re doing a good deed to broken hearts and some new ones who are about to enter a relationship. It is a nice article. Keep it up.
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This is a really well written article about a topic that doesn’t get a lot of attention. I agree with one of the posters above that it’s of critical importance for people who are in a relationship with a person with bipolar disorder to take care of themselves. It’s easy to get swept along in the roller coaster of emotions that accompanies manic depression and if that happens often enough it can ruin the relationship.
I used to date a guy that I believed had bipolar disorder. He was never keen to go to the doctor to ascertain whether my summation was correct. I think he was afraid of either admitting it or that perhaps I would leave him. Fact is, because he didn’t want to confront it I couldn’t deal with it anymore and we broke up. Self fulfilling prophecy really. Thing is, my mother is bipolar- he should have known I would have stood with him through it. Insightful post, thanks.
Hunh.. this helps me be more confident about myself. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago because of something that I happened to have done in a public area, so everyone in my area knows of my problem really. And my current boyfriend of 14months knows but I’m still worried ill end up pushing him far too far away one time. Being on a low streak for a week straight has ruined multiples of my relationships, most of then ending before half a year. Except ours, but we argue so much and I know I reach my literal limit and I wonder if he reaches his sometimes.. it doesn’t help I still live with my family and my father absolutely resents my problem, claiming its just anotherf way for someone to get money out of us. He insists I’m fine, so I don’t have a counselor, nor am I on any type of medication..
I’m not bipolar but my fiance is and as mentioned in the post its very taxing but I love her too much to give up on her………I tell her that I’m here to the end but shes beyond scared which I kinda understand I’m willing to do whatever I can to help her thru this
Dating is one of those things where planning ultimately increases the chances for the relationship to succeed. I work in the drug addiction treatment industry and have found there is a rising trend in dual-diagnosis where individuals are using drugs to find temporary relieve from an underlying condition they are facing. Great insight that can be used in various relationships.
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This article said it all in a way that we can all understand. I have been married for 9 years to a woman with bipolar disorder it has been a trip to hell and back and could never be discribed here. i dedicated my entire time to her needs and arguing over her unreasonable needs and wants. It, to say the least, has lead to my wife leaving me in the heat of arguments 9 times since may of 2012.2 times across country. Her sister hates me and feeds my wifes rages and disappearing acts by taking her in for their lets hate on mary parties. It hurts me alot, but i admit i don’t know how deal with it at all and really have given up, i have my guilty periods because i believe 9 years has taken a toll on me and made me bipolar myself. I discribe our relationship as fighting chemical weapons with a gun. i think its time to keep on going. it cant be fixed when she wont take her meds.
Patience is essential. I was lucky enough to meet an amazing girl who understands BPD and does not take it personally when I begin to withdraw. She’ll ask “why you sad boi?”, and simply reminds me that she wants to “be there” for me, even though she might not understand why I am “sad”.
Very good post; this is something that few people consider, but it is very important in making these sorts of relationships work!
Twitter: @bestofshayari1
i just saw a movie silver linings playbook where i saw how a bipolar disorder can spoil the relationship…well it is great to know opposite of that also.
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People with Bipolar disorder, just like any other disorder, need unconditional love and support as they did not ask it upon themselves. it may be a lot of had work, but not taking their condition too seriously and finding comfort in knowing that you are their pillar of strength and hope can go a long way i helping them get over the condition with the correct treatment. this is especially so if this is a person you love to bits! I however empathize with all those who are having a hard time with their bipolar partners, just don’t give up on them, you never know when the miracle time will be….