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Dating Mistake: Ignoring the Red Flags

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January 26, 2012 By 54 Comments
Dating Mistake Red Flags

Does Something Seem Not Right With Your Date?

Do you always end up dating losers? You know, the guy or girl that you think may fit into your life but then ends up being a complete waste of time? While a lot of dating advice is given to help you avoid screwing up your first date and beyond, there is not as much dating advice about how to recognize red flags and a potential loser when you are on a date. But it’s actually more important than making sure the date is a success.

When you have the ability to recognize a loser right off the bat then you can eliminate the weeks, months, or even years of wasted time. Well, I shouldn’t say wasted because you do learn a lot of failed relationships – but seriously, why not just date someone who has possible lifetime potential and avoid the anger, pain, and confusion of dating someone who ends up not being relationship material.

Red Flags To Watch For

I think we all know that feeling we get when we see a big red flag. Sometimes though we acknowledge it, ponder it, and then overlook it because he or she has some really interesting qualities that we want to get to know better.

The problem with that is that the red flags are always just the beginning. Your date is on their best behavior in the beginning, so if you are seeing red flags at this point then what are you going to see when they are not on their best behavior? Following are 6 red flags to watch out for.

1. You Never Talk To Them at Home

This is an obvious one, but it is easy to make an excuse for and let it go under the table. There is no reason that they always have to be out of the house to talk to you. People naturally gravitate towards their home after work or commitments and most people will call you from home when they are relaxed and have a chance to talk.

If you have never talked to them when they are at home, or if they do not want you to meet them at their house, then this is a huge red flag! It means that they are hiding something from you, and that ‘something’ will probably be something you are not going to be happy about.

2. They Show up Late for Your First Date

Yes, this could just be because their car broke down or they hit every light on the way to your date, but more than likely it’s a sign of things to come. People who are constantly late are not people you can count on. They are more concerned with their own schedule and life than they are with other peoples, and they can be a little bit of ego-maniacs, meaning it’s all about them.

Most people are early for their first date. So if your date is late then chances are that this is how they run their schedule on a full-time basis. That is not something that you want because it causes disappointment, hurt, and anger – which of course causes relationship issues. Avoid those relationship issues by recognizing this red flag and opting out of another late date.

3. They Talk About Themselves the Whole Date

Anyone who doesn’t ask you about yourself and your likes or dislikes should be avoided. If they rule the conversation then they are either trying to sell themselves to you, or they care way too much about themselves and want you to care as well. Either way it’s not a good thing.

Anyone who feels the need to sell themselves to you has low self-confidence. Dealing with someone who has low self-confidence means you can look forward to many ‘It’s okay hun, you were great in bed!’ or things of the like. Not pretty.

Anyone who wants the focus on themselves will be hard to negotiate and compromise with, and that’s important in a healthy relationship. If they think that their feelings are more important or that their beliefs are more right than yours, then you could be looking forward to countless battles that you will never be able to compromise on. You will be the one who just gives in because you don’t want to fight anymore.

4. They Show Their Flaws – and They Are Bad!

This is a sign of testing you. They want to see how much you will take and whether you will put up with a loser like them. They are laying it out on the table so you can’t blame them later on when they become even worse. And they will become worse!

I have to admit I’ve looked past this red flag many times. In fact, one of my first encounters with a guy was when he was high – and yet I was surprised when I found out that he was a cocaine addict 8 months later. Those 8 months were pure hell of him stealing money, denying anything was wrong, and complete confusion on my part. If I had only taken the red flag seriously I would have avoided that crazy and draining relationship.

5. They Leave To Go To the Bathroom Constantly

Nobody has to go to the bathroom constantly. The only reasons for going constantly are bad. They either have a drug problem, are puking out their supper, or they are calling their lover to check in. Don’t take this red flag lightly because something is going on that they don’t want you to know about.

6. They Dance Around Your Questions

You ask them where they work and they somehow manage to change the subject to what their hobbies are. This is a huge two-part red flag! This is a sign that they have things to hide from you and that they are very good at rerouting the topic.

In my experience anyone who is good at rerouting the topic is a good liar, and if they are a good liar than they’ve probably used that talent quite a bit in the past. I’ve dated many liars in my time and the confusion and pain they can cause you is not worth any amount of time with them. Recognize the red flag on the first date and avoid having to search out the truth for yourself down the line.

These 6 red flags are from my own experience. I’m sure that you have some red flags of your own when it comes to dating.

Take a moment to share your experiences in the comments and who knows, you may just save someone else from having to date a loser!

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Comments

  1. Rajit says:
    January 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Nice to know all the things as in my life one or two I go for the date………It was good not a bad.

    Reply
  2. Saverio says:
    January 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    I can related to a a date showing their flaws. I once had a date tell me that she was crazy. I chose to ignore it because the date was going pretty good. Turns out she WAS crazy. I think THAT would be a huge flag! If they tell you they are crazy then believe them!
    Saverio recently posted..Sticking to your financial guns!My Profile

    Reply
  3. Nirmal
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 27, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I dont have any experience of dating. In general I would not go close to a person unless I’m sure about their character. If I date someone I would be more cautious and of course these points might help me out in future.
    Nirmal recently posted..Dinakaran Tamil Newspaper and Dinakaran Epaper detailsMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Jack says:
    January 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Do you know what other thing is incredibly annoying? When they talk about their ex’s since the first date (supposing you don’t ask about their past). If I am in such a situation again I’ll tell her right into her face she’s rude and I’ll just leave the table.
    Jack recently posted..Things you Should Know about HEPA Vacuum CleanersMy Profile

    Reply
  5. Melissa says:
    January 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Everything that you wrote above can irritate me greatly. And all these things will be not red flags but “good-bye” flags)))

    Reply
  6. james says:
    January 28, 2012 at 8:16 am

    what a random article, but must be good one from all the comments
    i myself have never thought of some of those signs in that way before
    very interesting
    thanks heaps
    James
    james recently posted..profileMy Profile

    Reply
    • Bellaisa
      Twitter:
      says:
      January 28, 2012 at 3:05 pm

      Thanks for commenting James!

      The article is Random? There may not be tons of dating articles on this blog, but seriously, everyone dates – well, almost everyone. And ‘almost everyone’ has choices about who they date and get into a relationship with.

      Many people end up choosing unhealthy partners…even if it’s against their better judgement. Many people ignore their inner guidance that screams “This person is NOT right for you!” Many people end up settling in relationships that are unhappy and unhealthy.

      And my point? A lot of times these bad relationships can be avoided just by recognizing a potentially bad partner right from the beginning, and paying attention to the signs (or red flags) that you get, and not settling for someone that treats you (or themselves) poorly.

      Bellaisa
      Bellaisa recently posted..A Virgin Ceremony – A Sacrifice of a Different Kind!My Profile

      Reply
  7. sonia says:
    January 28, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    looks someone is really experienced. Nice post BTW. Its kinda funny that if someone shows up late, he/she is looser.
    sonia recently posted..IIT JEE previous year entrance question papersMy Profile

    Reply
    • Bellaisa
      Twitter:
      says:
      January 29, 2012 at 6:04 am

      Hey Sonia,

      I didn’t mean if they show up late for a good reason – like surgery, car accident, or had to work late that they are a loser. Those are kind of valid excuses. But if they show up late for no reason then it shows disrespect, and yes – people who are disrespectful and all about themselves turn out to be NOT good mates. Comes from experience. Yes, I’ve experienced many of them!

      Thanks for the comment.
      Bellaisa recently posted..The Top 7 Ways to Hurt Your ExMy Profile

      Reply
  8. sethlyman
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I have been married for 18 years this coming May and I still go on a date every weekend…with my wife. Of course it’s a little late to do anything about red flags at this point, luckily I chose well the first time. I do remember what it was like when my wife and I were first dating and I remember the other girls that I dated and passed on because of the red flags. Choosing who you are going to spend the rest of your life with is such an important decision and will shape who you become, who your spouse becomes, and who your children become…so choose wisely.
    sethlyman recently posted..Does nono work? Answers to your questions on the no!no! 8800My Profile

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  9. Bellaisa
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 28, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Thanks for the insightful comment Seth!

    I couldn’t agree more with you. Your choice really does affect your life short-term and long-term, as well as your partners and children’s lives.
    Bellaisa recently posted..A Virgin Ceremony – A Sacrifice of a Different Kind!My Profile

    Reply
  10. Cheolsu says:
    January 29, 2012 at 2:04 am

    I once dated a girl who kept telling her flaws and it can get quite annoying. She eventually left me for someone who she met in a super market. They can be quite unpredictable!
    Cheolsu recently posted..Tumblr LoginMy Profile

    Reply
  11. jan
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I wish I had known about these red flags when I was a lot younger! Still as you say Bellaisa, no relationships are wasted as you learn from all of them and you learn a lot about yourself. I would go so far as to say that most relationships have a “honeymoon” period of 1-2 years and you never really know somebody until you actually live with them!! Luckily for me I finally found the man of my dreams at age 46.
    jan recently posted..High fructose corn syrup, why all calories are not created equalMy Profile

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  12. Bellaisa
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Hi Jan!

    The honeymoon period is true isn’t it? I think it’s because you are so focused on their good qualities and how you feel good around them that you don’t yet see the not-so-good qualities. After everything is laid out on the table is when you really know who you are in a relationship with.

    That’s why noticing the red flags are important…if they are bad in the beginning then chances are you are in for a BIG shock down the road!

    Thanks for the comment!
    Bellaisa recently posted..Eco-Friendly Wedding IdeasMy Profile

    Reply
  13. Toby Roberts says:
    January 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I must admit that I’ve ignored these so-called ‘red flags’ in the past and y’know what? It always ended in disaster. Suffice to say I’ve learned a bit with age! Great post, thanks :)

    Reply
  14. Jhony
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 31, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Bellaisa, I think you are very experienced guys about this stuffs.
    And I am sure you are the right one I was searching for, who can help me!!!
    Catch you soon…
    Jhony recently posted..Wrapper ClassMy Profile

    Reply
  15. Brian
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 31, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    If someone can’t be early or on time for their first date, I’d say that’s one of the biggest red flags. Also, about flaws, if a flaw is shown early, it will only be magnified as time goes on. My wife knows that’s the truth. : ) Definitely be aware of the flaws that show up early in a dating relationship.
    Brian recently posted..Lifestation – Saving the Lives of SeniorsMy Profile

    Reply
  16. GADEL
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Wow! Some deep points there for all future love birds :)
    GADEL recently posted..To do things rightMy Profile

    Reply
  17. angie says:
    February 3, 2012 at 7:25 am

    actually if a guy behaves like this, it is quite certain that he is either a bad guy or that he is simply not interested in you.
    angie recently posted..Ettusais Ac-skincare Skin Version up ExtraMy Profile

    Reply
  18. Saksham Talwar says:
    February 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Oops, I too young for all this I guess, but will surely keep these dating advices in mind whenever I go on a date :)
    Saksham Talwar recently posted..StudioPress Discount CodeMy Profile

    Reply
  19. Bellaisa
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    You will be heading in armed and ready Saksham!

    Thanks for the comment!
    Bellaisa recently posted..Legend Behind Valentine’s DayMy Profile

    Reply
  20. annelg
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 5, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Definitely some great points here. I have a relationship forum of sorts and it’s still surprising that girls don’t pay attention to any of these things. They turn a blind eye, expecting things to get better, when we know they only get worse.
    annelg recently posted..Declutter Your Home In 1 WeekendMy Profile

    Reply
    • Bellaisa
      Twitter:
      says:
      February 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

      I hear you! That’s why I was inspired to write this article about red flags. I see questions being asked all the time about whether or not girls should date a guy who has ‘this one little thing’ that seems to be wrong. It’s always quite a big thing (if we are being honest) and their own gut is telling them to avoid the guy – but…sometimes you have to live and learn.

      Thanks for commenting!
      Bellaisa recently posted..Legend Behind Valentine’s DayMy Profile

      Reply
  21. Joshie says:
    February 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Some great points here. “They talk about themselves” Experienced this last Friday. It was very unpleasant. They also danced around a lot of my questions too. Needless to say, I won’t be seeing her again.

    Reply
  22. bijuterii argint says:
    February 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Yeah…i hate the “talking aboaut themselfs” thing….all of them do that…but if she does it thro the intire time of the date…in my experience most of the time she isn’t intrestet in you and she has other reasons.

    Reply
  23. Beth Parker
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 12, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I once went on a date and the guy answered his cell phone and talked to the person for a good half hour or so and completely ignored me. Talk about rude.
    Beth Parker recently posted..Classy Classic Chooka Rain Boots for WomenMy Profile

    Reply
  24. Matt says:
    February 28, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Hadn’t given any thought to the fact the people not calling from home would be a massive red flag but when you actually think of it, it really is! I’ve had one or two girls always call me when they were out and about but never at home for a good, solid chat! Your post was like reading a page out of my own dating history! It’s certainly something I’ll look out for now!

    Matt.

    Reply
  25. elena_anne
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 28, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Most of us have experienced all the red flags you mentioned. For me, one more red flag is when from the first dates we notice that he stares at other women.Or we have a conversation with him, and instead of paying attention to what we say, he seems to search or look at something around the room. These show me, that he does not respect me. Good approximation Bellaisa
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  26. Mark H says:
    March 22, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Interesting.

    Regarding “2. They Show up Late for Your First Date

    I am usually a little late for alot of things epically dates, it is a trait i gained from my parents who cant be on time to save their lives. Hopefully any woman i get involved with don’t read this article
    Mark H recently posted..How To Deal With a Break Up When You Live TogetherMy Profile

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  27. Greg Holbert
    Twitter:
    says:
    March 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    One red flag that I noticed in my dating career was when people “fronting” or “mirroring.” I’m an avid gamer and I was dating this girl in college that said she was also a gamer, so I thought we had that common hobby. What it came down to was that the only video game she’d ever played was Farmville on facebook. She didn’t even know who Mario was!

    So ladies if you’re trying to get a guy’s attention don’t mirror them or pretend you like the things that they do. If you’re found out you look fake and insecure in your own hobbies and pastimes, or if you’re never found out your relationship is built on a lie! If your chemistry is strong enough you’ll find enough in common to make it work, and you don’t have to sabotage the relationship with superficial fallacies…
    Greg Holbert recently posted..10 Common Payroll Mistakes InfographicMy Profile

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    • Bellaisa
      Twitter:
      says:
      March 30, 2012 at 3:08 am

      LMAO! Why would she lie about something that is obviously going to be proven a lie? So dumb.

      I know that mirroring someone can be a good way to get them to related to you (talking with the same words and in the same tone) but lying or pretending to be someone you are not is just stupid. It’s ALWAYS going to come out in the end and work against you, not for you.
      Bellaisa recently posted..Relationship Tips on TrustMy Profile

      Reply
  28. Mario says:
    May 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

    All these things mentioned above are true, but a little annoying. Some women have problems being themselves, I guess. No offense!
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  29. Julie says:
    May 15, 2012 at 1:31 am

    It has been 11 years since I have been in the dating world but these are all true! Great post!
    Julie recently posted..Kristin Bauer van Straten plays Pam De Beaufort on True BloodMy Profile

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