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Does Something Seem Not Right With Your Date?
Do you always end up dating losers? You know, the guy or girl that you think may fit into your life but then ends up being a complete waste of time? While a lot of dating advice is given to help you avoid screwing up your first date and beyond, there is not as much dating advice about how to recognize red flags and a potential loser when you are on a date. But it’s actually more important than making sure the date is a success.
When you have the ability to recognize a loser right off the bat then you can eliminate the weeks, months, or even years of wasted time. Well, I shouldn’t say wasted because you do learn a lot of failed relationships – but seriously, why not just date someone who has possible lifetime potential and avoid the anger, pain, and confusion of dating someone who ends up not being relationship material.
Red Flags To Watch For
I think we all know that feeling we get when we see a big red flag. Sometimes though we acknowledge it, ponder it, and then overlook it because he or she has some really interesting qualities that we want to get to know better.
The problem with that is that the red flags are always just the beginning. Your date is on their best behavior in the beginning, so if you are seeing red flags at this point then what are you going to see when they are not on their best behavior? Following are 6 red flags to watch out for.
1. You Never Talk To Them at Home
This is an obvious one, but it is easy to make an excuse for and let it go under the table. There is no reason that they always have to be out of the house to talk to you. People naturally gravitate towards their home after work or commitments and most people will call you from home when they are relaxed and have a chance to talk.
If you have never talked to them when they are at home, or if they do not want you to meet them at their house, then this is a huge red flag! It means that they are hiding something from you, and that ‘something’ will probably be something you are not going to be happy about.
2. They Show up Late for Your First Date
Yes, this could just be because their car broke down or they hit every light on the way to your date, but more than likely it’s a sign of things to come. People who are constantly late are not people you can count on. They are more concerned with their own schedule and life than they are with other peoples, and they can be a little bit of ego-maniacs, meaning it’s all about them.
Most people are early for their first date. So if your date is late then chances are that this is how they run their schedule on a full-time basis. That is not something that you want because it causes disappointment, hurt, and anger – which of course causes relationship issues. Avoid those relationship issues by recognizing this red flag and opting out of another late date.
3. They Talk About Themselves the Whole Date
Anyone who doesn’t ask you about yourself and your likes or dislikes should be avoided. If they rule the conversation then they are either trying to sell themselves to you, or they care way too much about themselves and want you to care as well. Either way it’s not a good thing.
Anyone who feels the need to sell themselves to you has low self-confidence. Dealing with someone who has low self-confidence means you can look forward to many “˜It’s okay hun, you were great in bed!’ or things of the like. Not pretty.
Anyone who wants the focus on themselves will be hard to negotiate and compromise with, and that’s important in a healthy relationship. If they think that their feelings are more important or that their beliefs are more right than yours, then you could be looking forward to countless battles that you will never be able to compromise on. You will be the one who just gives in because you don’t want to fight anymore.
4. They Show Their Flaws – and They Are Bad!
This is a sign of testing you. They want to see how much you will take and whether you will put up with a loser like them. They are laying it out on the table so you can’t blame them later on when they become even worse. And they will become worse!
I have to admit I’ve looked past this red flag many times. In fact, one of my first encounters with a guy was when he was high – and yet I was surprised when I found out that he was a cocaine addict 8 months later. Those 8 months were pure hell of him stealing money, denying anything was wrong, and complete confusion on my part. If I had only taken the red flag seriously I would have avoided that crazy and draining relationship.
5. They Leave To Go To the Bathroom Constantly
Nobody has to go to the bathroom constantly. The only reasons for going constantly are bad. They either have a drug problem, are puking out their supper, or they are calling their lover to check in. Don’t take this red flag lightly because something is going on that they don’t want you to know about.
6. They Dance Around Your Questions
You ask them where they work and they somehow manage to change the subject to what their hobbies are. This is a huge two-part red flag! This is a sign that they have things to hide from you and that they are very good at rerouting the topic.
In my experience anyone who is good at rerouting the topic is a good liar, and if they are a good liar than they’ve probably used that talent quite a bit in the past. I’ve dated many liars in my time and the confusion and pain they can cause you is not worth any amount of time with them. Recognize the red flag on the first date and avoid having to search out the truth for yourself down the line.
These 6 red flags are from my own experience. I’m sure that you have some red flags of your own when it comes to dating.
Take a moment to share your experiences in the comments and who knows, you may just save someone else from having to date a loser!
Nice to know all the things as in my life one or two I go for the date………It was good not a bad.
I can related to a a date showing their flaws. I once had a date tell me that she was crazy. I chose to ignore it because the date was going pretty good. Turns out she WAS crazy. I think THAT would be a huge flag! If they tell you they are crazy then believe them!
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Hey Saverio,
I’ve actually heard that from a few people before. They were informed by their date that they were crazy. In fact, I had a friend who was a little off her rocker and she would inform everyone she met about it – but her charisma made up for her moments of chaos.
Thanks for sharing!
Bellaisa recently posted..Las Vegas Weddings: Reasons FOR and AGAINST
I dont have any experience of dating. In general I would not go close to a person unless I’m sure about their character. If I date someone I would be more cautious and of course these points might help me out in future.
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Don’t be too cautious though or you may end up losing someone that would be a great partner in a relationship for you. If you are too picky about their character or cautious with them then you may never accept someone into your life.
Good luck in your dating life!
Do you know what other thing is incredibly annoying? When they talk about their ex’s since the first date (supposing you don’t ask about their past). If I am in such a situation again I’ll tell her right into her face she’s rude and I’ll just leave the table.
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Good one Jack! That’s a HUGE red flag!
If they are still focused on their ex (even if they are talking about them in a bad way) then it’s obvious they STILL have issues with them. If they didn’t have issues then they would be looking forward in life, not backwards.
Bellaisa recently posted..Las Vegas Weddings: Reasons FOR and AGAINST
Thanks for your reply, Bellaisa! I have to admit, after posting my comment I was afraid of being to hard on them
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Twitter: toshibaburton
Cudos to you Jack, I don’t know how many times I’ve been on a date for the 1st time & usually end of hearing how terrible his ex mate was but of course I’m always thinking in the back of my head I wonder what you did wrong lol
This can be a huge turn off for the other party.
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Agree 100%. For me as a man (instinctively territorial, I reckon), the last thing I want to think about, whether I’m dating a girl or just getting to know her, is the other blokes she has dated or slept with or worse. Absolute deal-breaker for me.
Great point, Jack!
Everything that you wrote above can irritate me greatly. And all these things will be not red flags but “good-bye” flags)))
You are a smart, smart girl then
I got to the point where I didn’t waste my time with guys that were obviously not what I was looking for either – and that’s when I found a good one!
what a random article, but must be good one from all the comments
i myself have never thought of some of those signs in that way before
very interesting
thanks heaps
James
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Thanks for commenting James!
The article is Random? There may not be tons of dating articles on this blog, but seriously, everyone dates – well, almost everyone. And ‘almost everyone’ has choices about who they date and get into a relationship with.
Many people end up choosing unhealthy partners…even if it’s against their better judgement. Many people ignore their inner guidance that screams “This person is NOT right for you!” Many people end up settling in relationships that are unhappy and unhealthy.
And my point? A lot of times these bad relationships can be avoided just by recognizing a potentially bad partner right from the beginning, and paying attention to the signs (or red flags) that you get, and not settling for someone that treats you (or themselves) poorly.
Bellaisa
looks someone is really experienced. Nice post BTW. Its kinda funny that if someone shows up late, he/she is looser.
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Hey Sonia,
I didn’t mean if they show up late for a good reason – like surgery, car accident, or had to work late that they are a loser. Those are kind of valid excuses. But if they show up late for no reason then it shows disrespect, and yes – people who are disrespectful and all about themselves turn out to be NOT good mates. Comes from experience. Yes, I’ve experienced many of them!
Thanks for the comment.
Bellaisa recently posted..The Top 7 Ways to Hurt Your Ex
Hiya
Bellasia, yeah I totally get that if they have a valid reason it is worth at least a listen. From the other side of the fence though, I dated a guy that went completely off his rocker when I pitched up about 5 minutes late (with a valid reason). You’d swear I stole his last Oreo or something! It was a definitely off to a very rocky start – I ignored his very blatant shortcomings, made excuses for him etc – as we bizarrely so often find ourselves do. Needless to say, I wasted precious time trying to see if it worked.
People tell you who they are all the time, we should just listen and quite frankly, believe them.
Twitter: @reviewsin
I have been married for 18 years this coming May and I still go on a date every weekend…with my wife. Of course it’s a little late to do anything about red flags at this point, luckily I chose well the first time. I do remember what it was like when my wife and I were first dating and I remember the other girls that I dated and passed on because of the red flags. Choosing who you are going to spend the rest of your life with is such an important decision and will shape who you become, who your spouse becomes, and who your children become…so choose wisely.
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Whoops! I forgot to hit reply to your comment and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. So I left a reply to your comment below
Bellaisa recently posted..Las Vegas Weddings: Reasons FOR and AGAINST
Thanks for the insightful comment Seth!
I couldn’t agree more with you. Your choice really does affect your life short-term and long-term, as well as your partners and children’s lives.
I once dated a girl who kept telling her flaws and it can get quite annoying. She eventually left me for someone who she met in a super market. They can be quite unpredictable!
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That must have been fun! Was one of her flaws leaving guys that she is dating for random supermarket guys?
Thanks for sharing!
Bellaisa recently posted..Looking For Love
Twitter: Vemma Brisbane
I wish I had known about these red flags when I was a lot younger! Still as you say Bellaisa, no relationships are wasted as you learn from all of them and you learn a lot about yourself. I would go so far as to say that most relationships have a “honeymoon” period of 1-2 years and you never really know somebody until you actually live with them!! Luckily for me I finally found the man of my dreams at age 46.
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Hi Jan!
The honeymoon period is true isn’t it? I think it’s because you are so focused on their good qualities and how you feel good around them that you don’t yet see the not-so-good qualities. After everything is laid out on the table is when you really know who you are in a relationship with.
That’s why noticing the red flags are important…if they are bad in the beginning then chances are you are in for a BIG shock down the road!
Thanks for the comment!
Bellaisa recently posted..Eco-Friendly Wedding Ideas
I must admit that I’ve ignored these so-called ‘red flags’ in the past and y’know what? It always ended in disaster. Suffice to say I’ve learned a bit with age! Great post, thanks
Experience tends to do that, doesn’t it?
Thanks for commenting Toby.
Bellaisa recently posted..The Top 7 Ways to Hurt Your Ex
Bellaisa, I think you are very experienced guys about this stuffs.
And I am sure you are the right one I was searching for, who can help me!!!
Catch you soon…
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Right. Well, see you when you catch me.
Bellaisa recently posted..The Top 7 Ways to Hurt Your Ex
Twitter: PizzaSpotz
If someone can’t be early or on time for their first date, I’d say that’s one of the biggest red flags. Also, about flaws, if a flaw is shown early, it will only be magnified as time goes on. My wife knows that’s the truth. : ) Definitely be aware of the flaws that show up early in a dating relationship.
Hi Brian,
Yes, even minor flaws can turn out to be something of horrible trait later on! It’s when something just doesn’t seem right to you – or when something annoys you…that’s when you will see more of it later on. I’m assuming your wife is dealing with yours just fine though!
Thanks for commenting
Bellaisa
Twitter: PizzaSpotz
She is. We’ve been married many years. But times are quite difficult now and that causes what flaws I have to become even worse. Just saw your site and if I can think of an original post, I’ll send you something.
Wow! Some deep points there for all future love birds
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Or I suppose to all future non love birds. However you look at it!
Bellaisa recently posted..The Top 7 Ways to Hurt Your Ex
actually if a guy behaves like this, it is quite certain that he is either a bad guy or that he is simply not interested in you.
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Couldn’t agree more Angie!
Bellaisa recently posted..Legend Behind Valentine’s Day
Oops, I too young for all this I guess, but will surely keep these dating advices in mind whenever I go on a date
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You will be heading in armed and ready Saksham!
Thanks for the comment!
Bellaisa recently posted..Legend Behind Valentine’s Day
Twitter: esther96
Definitely some great points here. I have a relationship forum of sorts and it’s still surprising that girls don’t pay attention to any of these things. They turn a blind eye, expecting things to get better, when we know they only get worse.
annelg recently posted..Declutter Your Home In 1 Weekend
I hear you! That’s why I was inspired to write this article about red flags. I see questions being asked all the time about whether or not girls should date a guy who has ‘this one little thing’ that seems to be wrong. It’s always quite a big thing (if we are being honest) and their own gut is telling them to avoid the guy – but…sometimes you have to live and learn.
Thanks for commenting!
Some great points here. “They talk about themselves” Experienced this last Friday. It was very unpleasant. They also danced around a lot of my questions too. Needless to say, I won’t be seeing her again.
Yeah. There’s no reason for dancing around questions. If you are uncomfortable saying something then admit it and move on. Hope your next date is better!
Yeah…i hate the “talking aboaut themselfs” thing….all of them do that…but if she does it thro the intire time of the date…in my experience most of the time she isn’t intrestet in you and she has other reasons.
I would assume that she’s interested in herself at that point!
I once went on a date and the guy answered his cell phone and talked to the person for a good half hour or so and completely ignored me. Talk about rude.
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I hope that was the last date you went on with him! I get seriously mad if I am with friends and they keep answering their mobile or texting!
That would piss me off to no end. A half an hour? I’m ticked off just thinking about it! There is no excuse to do that.
Hadn’t given any thought to the fact the people not calling from home would be a massive red flag but when you actually think of it, it really is! I’ve had one or two girls always call me when they were out and about but never at home for a good, solid chat! Your post was like reading a page out of my own dating history! It’s certainly something I’ll look out for now!
Matt.
Live and learn, eh Matt? I hope you won’t have to worry about red flags from now on!
Thanks for commenting.
Bellaisa recently posted..How to Find Love After 30
Twitter: Elena__Anne
Most of us have experienced all the red flags you mentioned. For me, one more red flag is when from the first dates we notice that he stares at other women.Or we have a conversation with him, and instead of paying attention to what we say, he seems to search or look at something around the room. These show me, that he does not respect me. Good approximation Bellaisa
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Yeah, it’s hard to feel good about a guy you are on a date with when he’s staring at other women! I mean, come on – if he can’t focus on you for the first date how can he be expected to put that kind of energy in later on? Good one Elena.
Bellaisa recently posted..How to Find Love After 30
Interesting.
Regarding “2. They Show up Late for Your First Date
I am usually a little late for alot of things epically dates, it is a trait i gained from my parents who cant be on time to save their lives. Hopefully any woman i get involved with don’t read this article
Mark H recently posted..How To Deal With a Break Up When You Live Together
Twitter: @onlinetaxpros
One red flag that I noticed in my dating career was when people “fronting” or “mirroring.” I’m an avid gamer and I was dating this girl in college that said she was also a gamer, so I thought we had that common hobby. What it came down to was that the only video game she’d ever played was Farmville on facebook. She didn’t even know who Mario was!
So ladies if you’re trying to get a guy’s attention don’t mirror them or pretend you like the things that they do. If you’re found out you look fake and insecure in your own hobbies and pastimes, or if you’re never found out your relationship is built on a lie! If your chemistry is strong enough you’ll find enough in common to make it work, and you don’t have to sabotage the relationship with superficial fallacies…
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LMAO! Why would she lie about something that is obviously going to be proven a lie? So dumb.
I know that mirroring someone can be a good way to get them to related to you (talking with the same words and in the same tone) but lying or pretending to be someone you are not is just stupid. It’s ALWAYS going to come out in the end and work against you, not for you.
Bellaisa recently posted..Relationship Tips on Trust
Twitter: chantel_mario
All these things mentioned above are true, but a little annoying. Some women have problems being themselves, I guess. No offense!
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I have no idea what you are trying to say.
Bellaisa recently posted..Body Image: How Negative Body Image Can Affect Your Health
It has been 11 years since I have been in the dating world but these are all true! Great post!
Julie recently posted..Kristin Bauer van Straten plays Pam De Beaufort on True Blood
I wish i had read these red flags earlier. My last date did not end so well as she did not answer many of my questions. One of reason was that she did not reply to my emails on time. It sometimes even took about a week.
Arun recently posted..How to Change Facebook Password without Login
Yeah, that would be a huge red flag lol.
Bellaisa recently posted..Top 7 Topics To Avoid on a First Date
looks like some wondertips tips, red flags need to be watched on. If you don’t mind i would like to share your experiences on one of my dating blogs, thanks lot for the info.
Gaurav recently posted..How To Impress A Girl : Feeling Shy?
hate it when people talk about themselves only, its extremely obnoxious!
Seeing listed here, I realize I am guilty of ignoring red flags in the past. But this is great for future reference, I’m out of the dating game but I’ll be sure to warn my friends when they venture out on that scary first date.
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Kari, great breakdown of how to spot the red flags in the early phases of a relationship!
I must say, I think #4 is by far the most important. If you see their flaws, whether by them telling you or simply noticing them somehow, and those flaws are serious, then you know right then and there what you are getting into.
Too many women – and many men as well – hurt themselves in the long run by continuing on with someone, thinking they can “change them”. Not only are you setting yourself up for months and even years of pain and frustration, but you are wasting your own time when you could simply “next” this one and find a guy or girl who does not come with the bad.
So again, thanks for the great article! I really enjoyed reading it and thinking about these principles in my own life.
Twitter: healthy_start_
Wow, it’s been a while since I been here and I missed a great comment. Thanks evo.
Kari recently posted..The Collectors: My First Fiction Book
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very straight forward ….these are the most common dating mistakes that a person finds at various place whereas it starts from home.thanks for sharing
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Twitter: healthy_start_
What do you mean it starts from home…you lost me there Rohan!
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Twitter: @rommysunnyblog
i mean a person can learn everything from home like in india we live in joint family where we have to compromise lots of things in to maintain healthy and long lasting relatioship.if a person can survive in that atmosphere he will learn many things :-
How to compromise in healthy so that relationship does not spoil.if such a person goes for dating i do not think he could any kind of dating mistakes yeah i agree that some mistakes can still happen in terms of behavioural like shyness and other but managing relationship he will manage it somehow.that was my mean from home.
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Twitter: @bestofshayari1
hummm i need to focus and read it sincerely i think.
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Twitter: healthy_start_
What a great reply Nikita! I hope you do focus and sincerely think about it!
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