Do you always end up dating losers? You know, the guy or girl that you think may fit into your life but then ends up being a complete waste of time? While a lot of dating advice is given to help you avoid screwing up your first date and beyond, there is not as much dating advice about how to recognize red flags and a potential loser when you are on a date. But it’s actually more important than making sure the date is a success.
When you have the ability to recognize a loser right off the bat then you can eliminate the weeks, months, or even years of wasted time. Well, I shouldn’t say wasted because you do learn a lot of failed relationships – but seriously, why not just date someone who has possible lifetime potential and avoid the anger, pain, and confusion of dating someone who ends up not being relationship material.
Red Flags To Watch For
I think we all know that feeling we get when we see a big red flag. Sometimes though we acknowledge it, ponder it, and then overlook it because he or she has some really interesting qualities that we want to get to know better.
The problem with that is that the red flags are always just the beginning. Your date is on their best behavior in the beginning, so if you are seeing red flags at this point then what are you going to see when they are not on their best behavior? Following are 6 red flags to watch out for.
1. You Never Talk To Them at Home
This is an obvious one, but it is easy to make an excuse for and let it go under the table. There is no reason that they always have to be out of the house to talk to you. People naturally gravitate towards their home after work or commitments and most people will call you from home when they are relaxed and have a chance to talk.
If you have never talked to them when they are at home, or if they do not want you to meet them at their house, then this is a huge red flag! It means that they are hiding something from you, and that ‘something’ will probably be something you are not going to be happy about.
2. They Show up Late for Your First Date
Yes, this could just be because their car broke down or they hit every light on the way to your date, but more than likely it’s a sign of things to come. People who are constantly late are not people you can count on. They are more concerned with their own schedule and life than they are with other peoples, and they can be a little bit of ego-maniacs, meaning it’s all about them.
Most people are early for their first date. So if your date is late then chances are that this is how they run their schedule on a full-time basis. That is not something that you want because it causes disappointment, hurt, and anger – which of course causes relationship issues. Avoid those relationship issues by recognizing this red flag and opting out of another late date.
3. They Talk About Themselves the Whole Date
Anyone who doesn’t ask you about yourself and your likes or dislikes should be avoided. If they rule the conversation then they are either trying to sell themselves to you, or they care way too much about themselves and want you to care as well. Either way it’s not a good thing.
Anyone who feels the need to sell themselves to you has low self-confidence. Dealing with someone who has low self-confidence means you can look forward to many “˜It’s okay hun, you were great in bed!’ or things of the like. Not pretty.
Anyone who wants the focus on themselves will be hard to negotiate and compromise with, and that’s important in a healthy relationship. If they think that their feelings are more important or that their beliefs are more right than yours, then you could be looking forward to countless battles that you will never be able to compromise on. You will be the one who just gives in because you don’t want to fight anymore.
4. They Show Their Flaws – and They Are Bad!
This is a sign of testing you. They want to see how much you will take and whether you will put up with a loser like them. They are laying it out on the table so you can’t blame them later on when they become even worse. And they will become worse!
I have to admit I’ve looked past this red flag many times. In fact, one of my first encounters with a guy was when he was high – and yet I was surprised when I found out that he was a cocaine addict 8 months later. Those 8 months were pure hell of him stealing money, denying anything was wrong, and complete confusion on my part. If I had only taken the red flag seriously I would have avoided that crazy and draining relationship.
5. They Leave To Go To the Bathroom Constantly
Nobody has to go to the bathroom constantly. The only reasons for going constantly are bad. They either have a drug problem, are puking out their supper, or they are calling their lover to check in. Don’t take this red flag lightly because something is going on that they don’t want you to know about.
6. They Dance Around Your Questions
You ask them where they work and they somehow manage to change the subject to what their hobbies are. This is a huge two-part red flag! This is a sign that they have things to hide from you and that they are very good at rerouting the topic.
In my experience anyone who is good at rerouting the topic is a good liar, and if they are a good liar than they’ve probably used that talent quite a bit in the past. I’ve dated many liars in my time and the confusion and pain they can cause you is not worth any amount of time with them. Recognize the red flag on the first date and avoid having to search out the truth for yourself down the line.
These 6 red flags are from my own experience. I’m sure that you have some red flags of your own when it comes to dating.
Take a moment to share your experiences in the comments and who knows, you may just save someone else from having to date a loser!