You see her walking towards you. She has long beautiful hair, light eyes and a smile that says she is enjoying life. She is getting closer with each second and you know what you would like to do.
You want the confidence to approach her and strike up a conversation, seeing if she is as interesting as she is beautiful. She walks by, the opportunity is gone and you start to get that feeling of regret.
Why are you always afraid to approach women, you wonder? Don’t worry there are tons of other men that suffer from this and you shouldn’t ashamed of it.
Fear of Rejection
The main reason that men are afraid to approach women is that they fear rejection.
Picturing the worst case scenario, perhaps she will slap him, or gets so frightened that she pulls out a pepper spray. Her boyfriend can come out of nowhere and be so offended that you dared approach his girlfriend that he shanks you.
I have cold-approached 1000’s of women and have hung out with guys that have approached even more than that. Let me be the first to say that never happens. The worst that will happen is that she will ignore you and walk away. And let me let you in on another secret…it’s not a big deal.
Along with irrational expectations of what may happen if he approaches her. He feels as if her decision will validate him as a man. If she likes him, it validates his masculinity. However if the opposite happens it is a blow to his self-esteem. He is simply not good enough.
Even if her reasons has nothing to do with him, she could be late for work, have a boyfriend, be a lesbian, had a rough day or even be on her way to save kids from a burning orphanage. It doesn’t matter he will take it personally. She’s not interested because he is not good enough.
This comes from a lack of confidence in himself. If he were truly confident in himself it wouldn’t matter what she thinks, hell it wouldn’t matter what anyone thinks because at the end of the day he is happy with himself.
So how do you deal with that fear of rejection?
Have you ever seen a young child confidently staring at you? Dancing in a public place with no music and not a care in the world? Tugging on the pant legs of strangers to ask their name? I have and it’s quite endearing, it also shows that children are fearless.
Society teaches the fear of other people to kids. “Don’t talk to strangers!” their parents and teachers state. So they became wary of others and over time lose their confidence of approaching others.
We also learn from society to feel as if we are not good enough. We want nicer cars, expensive clothes, huge houses and the latest iPhones, because that is what society tells us we should want. So it’s no surprise that a man will look to a woman for validation, and fear being rejected.
This also shows us that since society teaches fear of rejection to men. If it that can be taught, we can also learn that fear of rejection is actually nothing to fear.
One way and the most important way is to realize that you do not need validation from others. What others think of you is irrelevant and what is most important is how YOU feel about yourself. Discover what makes you happy, what is your passion, and simply do what you want to do.
To some people, this may seem selfish but who cares. Once you start looking at the world this way, whether you get rejected or not by a woman will become irrelevant and you will be able to confidently approach any woman who you feel like.
Another way to get over the fear of rejection is to face that fear head on. I know it’s not easy so instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool.
Start in the shallow part, talk to the cashiers when they are scanning your items, ask random women for the time, ask for directions, ask the waitress her suggestion from the menu, essentially have small interactions with women.
Over time you will become more confident when it comes to interacting with women, because you are constantly being exposed to it.
Imagine if you were afraid of bungee jumping but every day for the next year you go bungee jumping. By the end of it do you feel that you would still be scared of bungee jumping? Of course not, you will laugh in the face of danger, and this is the same with approaching women.
By exposing yourself to it more, you will gain a tolerance to that fear and in no time, being afraid to approach women will be nothing but the past.