Why Men Are Afraid To Approach Women And How to Overcome It

Alex Taylor
Hey! My name is Alex Taylor. I likes long walks on the beach and candle light dinners but what I love more is learning more about men, women and dating. Sharing those experiences and knowledge at the Psychology of Dating
Alex Taylor

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Alex Taylor
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You see her walking towards you. She has long beautiful hair, light eyes and a smile that says she is enjoying life. She is getting closer with each second and you know what you would like to do.

You want the confidence to approach her and strike up a conversation, seeing if she is as interesting as she is beautiful. She walks by, the opportunity is gone and you start to get that feeling of regret.

Why are you always afraid to approach women, you wonder? Don’t worry there are tons of other men that suffer from this and you shouldn’t ashamed of it.

Fear of Rejection

The main reason that men are afraid to approach women is that they fear rejection.

Picturing the worst case scenario, perhaps she will slap him, or gets so frightened that she pulls out a pepper spray. Her boyfriend can come out of nowhere and be so offended that you dared approach his girlfriend that he shanks you.

I have cold-approached 1000′s of women and have hung out with guys that have approached even more than that. Let me be the first to say that never happens. The worst that will happen is that she will ignore you and walk away. And let me let you in on another secret…it’s not a big deal.

Along with irrational expectations of what may happen if he approaches her. He feels as if her decision will validate him as a man. If she likes him, it validates his masculinity. However if the opposite happens it is a blow to his self-esteem. He is simply not good enough.

Even if her reasons has nothing to do with him, she could be late for work, have a boyfriend, be a lesbian, had a rough day or even be on her way to save kids from a burning orphanage. It doesn’t matter he will take it personally. She’s not interested because he is not good enough.

This comes from a lack of confidence in himself. If he were truly confident in himself it wouldn’t matter what she thinks, hell it wouldn’t matter what anyone thinks because at the end of the day he is happy with himself.

So how do you deal with that
fear of rejection?

Have you ever seen a young child confidently staring at you? Dancing in a public place with no music and not a care in the world? Tugging on the pant legs of strangers to ask their name? I have and it’s quite endearing, it also shows that children are fearless.

Society teaches the fear of other people to kids. “Don’t talk to strangers!” their parents and teachers state. So they became wary of others and over time lose their confidence of approaching others.

We also learn from society to feel as if we are not good enough. We want nicer cars, expensive clothes, huge houses and the latest iPhones, because that is what society tells us we should want. So it’s no surprise that a man will look to a woman for validation, and fear being rejected.

This also shows us that since society teaches fear of rejection to men. If it that can be taught, we can also learn that fear of rejection is actually nothing to fear.

One way and the most important way is to realize that you do not need validation from others. What others think of you is irrelevant and what is most important is how YOU feel about yourself. Discover what makes you happy, what is your passion, and simply do what you want to do.

To some people, this may seem selfish but who cares. Once you start looking at the world this way, whether you get rejected or not by a woman will become irrelevant and you will be able to confidently approach any woman who you feel like.

Another Way

Another way to get over the fear of rejection is to face that fear head on. I know it’s not easy so instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool.

Start in the shallow part, talk to the cashiers when they are scanning your items, ask random women for the time, ask for directions, ask the waitress her suggestion from the menu, essentially have small interactions with women.

Over time you will become more confident when it comes to interacting with women, because you are constantly being exposed to it.

Imagine if you were afraid of bungee jumping but every day for the next year you go bungee jumping. By the end of it do you feel that you would still be scared of bungee jumping? Of course not, you will laugh in the face of danger, and this is the same with approaching women.

By exposing yourself to it more, you will gain a tolerance to that fear and in no time, being afraid to approach women will be nothing but the past. 

Comments


  1. Twitter:
    Hi Alex,

    I think guys are think alot that if i approach ,what she will think , what will happen , how she will take this etc… so thinking useless things make them more nervous or not confident.

    But the true fact is if you approach a girl with confidence then she will not think any of this infact you can impress her with your confidence.
    Real problems come when you think alot ,so i think any guy should just approach not wasting time in thinking useless things.

    Cheers!
    Maya
    Maya recently posted..Tips to impress Indian girlsMy Profile

  2. every body fear to the someone.
    you want the confidence to approach her and strike up a conversation, seeing if she is as interesting as she is beautiful. She walks by, the opportunity is gone and you start to get that feeling of regret.


  3. Twitter:
    Practice is going to be the key in gaining confidence.

    Unfortunately, this area is where the men are lacking or slack to practice.
    Samuel recently posted..3 Twitter Tools For You To Succeed On Twitter!My Profile


  4. Twitter:
    Some of the nice tips you have given here, Yes! I begin a man, I also fear from the rejection.
    Krishna Parmar recently posted..Hike Messenger for Android (APK), iPhone, etc (Free Download)My Profile

  5. it is all about social opinion… From both sides – male and female. I think all men are afraid to hear something bad about themselves… It is silly to tell a man – just do it when it comes to girls. But our life would be so much easier if we avoid this social behavior frame. All men have to think out of the box.
    Evan recently posted..Law Business WordPress themes 2013 best showcaseMy Profile


  6. Twitter:
    Hi Taylor !
    when a man fall in love and his behavior become changes, because he feel more responsibility toward women.
    Googma Sansar recently posted..Social Media Optimization (SMO) StrategyMy Profile

  7. Firstly, you must trust yourself absolutely. And when you start the conversation, think about the next words you want to say. I experienced that i said something like `Hello`, se said hello back but that was all en she was went away ahhaha. But now i am better, i think :)


  8. Twitter:
    Practical approach to dealing with inter-genser relationship. Good

  9. i start to feel tension when girls comes near me lol.
    Moin Ramiz recently posted..Google Cracks Down On Blogger Blogs With Pirated SoftwaresMy Profile


  10. Twitter:
    Well the Basic Reason is Fear of Rejection only. Because Men are supposed to have Ego and Get success with their First Flick, They Generally hate to loose and This is where it is most likely to happen as Women are most Unpredictable.. But the Fact is Girls like confident and Patient Man
    Ravi recently posted..Top WordPress Lightbox Plugins that you can use for Customizing WordPress BlogMy Profile


  11. Twitter:
    If men understood women they would know how to approach them.

    The truth is Women don’t know what they want so to approach them successfully you have to.

    It’s as simple as that.
    Darnell Jackson recently posted..5M 004: 4th straight week in the GREEN: How to improve website traffic statistics.My Profile

  12. Great article for approaching girls.But sir i have a problem while approaching girl.I feel hesitation while talking.Please tell me some tips to overcome this.Thanx


  13. Twitter:
    This was really me an year before. But when you start public speaking, you aren’t afraid of any other conversations.
    Praveen Bhardwaj recently posted..Top 5 Upcoming Action Movies of 2013My Profile

  14. Rybarske Potreby Bohanovič says:

    Hehe, good tips….however I have not ever met anybody who is not afraid in some degree of approaching women…going out and meeting women helps to reduce the fear of it…it also strenghts your character by getting rejected….u start to realize u dont have to care about others opinion about u..its kinda spiritual enlightment :D


  15. Twitter:
    Nice post ! Some of the nice tips you have given here. Yes! I begin a man, I also fear from the rejection.
    Taswir Haider recently posted..Bing Sitemap Plugin: Will it Increase Bing Crawl Rate?My Profile

  16. Nice post, I agree that the main reason why men are afraid to approach women is that, they are afraid of getting rejected and the same time they lose confidence.

  17. I guess you’re right on most points but the culture on where you are is also a major factor. Like men from Asia (at least most of them)are more into this than the outgoing type of guys from the US..
    Murdo Guy recently posted..Skip Hire BristolMy Profile

  18. Anil Bhogia says:

    every body fear to the someone.you want the confidence to approach her and strike up a conversation, seeing if she is as interesting as she is beautiful. She walks by, the opportunity is gone and you start to get that feeling of regret.

  19. i think it is happened when men want to get something from women but otherwise not.
    Shamim recently posted..Good Diets For Men and Women to Use Together at HomeMy Profile

  20. Well said your article shows the inner fears and phobias of a person which need to be bypassed for the personality development.
    Nikitajain recently posted..Best of Shayari | 30 Type of Shayari CollectionMy Profile

  21. Another tip. Even if you think the woman is really beautiful, it’s possible that she also feels nervous when approached by a man. None of us show how we really feel at that point. If she rejects you and is down-right rude about it, well who’d want to be with that kind of woman anyway? Just do it!

  22. Just a tip, most women don’t like men to approach when walking alone in the beach or a park, most of the time we are relaxing thinking of other things, unless we give you back a hint like a smile, but it all depends on the time and place, you might find it easy if you take dance lessons there’s a good way to meet nice women.
    paula recently posted..Logo design Australia – Strategic Custom Logo DesignMy Profile

  23. ericachristina says:

    I always give men credit got having the nerve to approach women even with the possibility of rejection. I don’t think many women appreciate the gesture and what it takes. Some women react so negatively when a man approaches them, if you aren’t interested fine but there is no need to forget you manners and shatter someone’s confidence. There is a polite and respectable way to approach a woman but there is also a polite way to reject someone.

  24. Wow! seriously even I did that mistake of hesitating the first time i tried to approach my crush. But after a friend’s help, my hesitation totally died and seriously, confidence is really the key at that point. So never loose it.


  25. Twitter:
    At the end of the day you need to make sure you don’t make a fool of urself especially while approaching a woman..As the saying goes ‘First Impression is the last impression’ matters in regards to a woman needs to be handled delicately…I agree with your post 100 per cent…What a few guys fail to realise is that Confidence is a key to success but at the same time over confidence can spell doom no matter what you do..So you need to get the right balance to make sure that even if your rejected you can gracefully accept it and move on but at the same time don’t end up loosing your confidence.
    Suraj recently posted..Just Cause 3 release date to be announced at E3?My Profile


  26. Twitter:
    Fear of rejection is a mutha I tell you. I cannot overcome it with any aspect of life what so ever.
    Leon recently posted..WWE NXT TapingsMy Profile

  27. Most people think alike, we just don’t realize it. So don’t be afraid to approach even if it feels unnatural.. The fear will only last as long as you hesitate! I once read that the fear of rejection is hardwired in our bodies from evolution, haha! That could be so true as we used to live in tribes all the time and not leave our group.


  28. Twitter:
    Hi, Self -esteem and faith in yourself are the keys to approach women !
    Don’t you think ?
    Steve Wec recently posted..Top jeux htmlogiste 1!My Profile

  29. Hey Alex !
    interesting topic. I totally agree with your reasons. And believe me, your solutions are awesome. Men should have confidence like a child.
    Thanks for the tips man.
    Matt Kennedy
    Matt Kennedy recently posted..Free £5 Million Game at 888 LadiesMy Profile

  30. Rishabh Misra says:

    Hello Alex
    thank u to sharing me this article.
    I think acceptance and rejection is the part of our life. some times people was not accepted you and may be accept or will not accepted in the future. some time boy and girl both are not tolerate opposite side rejection. so acceptance is also part of our life but the other side we mentally prepared the rejection. do not be loose hope

  31. They INSIST upon calling this the “fear” of rejction. Maybe, just maybe, guys are sick and tired of a game that puts them up to tests and treats them as second-class. I would not cal it fear,I would call it common sense.Let the women approach, then, at least, you know that they are interested.


  32. Twitter:
    How to Get Better with Women

    So as long as you can push yourself to approach in the first place, making rapid progress becomes a very simple process. Once you approach the woman and DON’T get a bad reaction, things will only get easier:
    1. You approach a woman.
    2. You realise nothing bad happens.
    3. Approaching women becomes a “safe” stimulus.
    4. You approach more women.
    5. Approaching women becomes even more of a safe stimulus.
    6. Approaching women becomes familiar and enjoyable.
    7. Your success with women goes through the roof.
    Now, of course, all this supposes that you can actually make yourself go and approach women. If you’re still struggling to get started, then consider one of our coaching courses, which will have you approaching women and feeling confident in no time.
    sai recently posted..What are Concatenate Strings in C?My Profile


  33. Twitter:
    The thing that really bothers my friend is that he says he sucks at small talk. Even with me he kinda does. Do you have any tips regarding this issue? I’m sure if he knew how to have a conversation he would be approaching women.
    Leslie Edwards recently posted..The Basics On How To Make Electronic Music: Drum LoopsMy Profile

  34. Nice post, Alex.

    I like your explanation of how irrational fears can prevent guys from making the approach. I have also worked with a good deal of guys who justify their anxiety with “I don’t know what I would say next”.

    Ultimately it is something that takes a bit of fortitude and tenacity to get right, but overcoming this fear is definitely possible. Practise does not make perfect; practise makes permanent. I am sure you will agree that even experienced pickup artists get rejected from time to time, but what sets the successful apart from the less experienced is the way we bounce back from rejections or failures and stay motivated to improve upon those mistakes the next time around.

    Nice read, thanks for posting!

    • Nr, EVO – Still trying to figure out how ALL of these well-adjusted, employed, God-fearing, good men got this label of having “anxiety and being fearful(?). How about if WOMEN were confronted with their apparent refusal to approach men , as no one calls them “anxious” and ‘fearful”.
      Can we please cut out the double standard?

  35. Great post Alex. I feel men in general have very low self-esteem. I think the only way is pushing out of comfort zone again and again.
    Dave recently posted..How to Be More Self ConfidentMy Profile


  36. Twitter:
    Hey Alex,
    Nice post and Thanks for sharing this useful post with us as we all men are searching for this type of post which motivate us for approaching women. Yes, fear of rejection is one of the major reason why we afraid to approach women. Thanks for sharing these useful tips.
    Sudipto recently posted..best laptop in 40000My Profile

  37. A good way to face rejection while facing it head on is to expect it. It happens… so deal with it. It’s much easier approaching women if you have that in mind and you don’t care what happens. Hope that helps.
    Chris recently posted..How to Attract WomenMy Profile


  38. Twitter:
    Fear of rejection is really the main reason why so many men fear approaching women. This is usually caused by the inability to trust ones self. If you have confidence in yourself, then you should not fear approaching any woman.
    Ngah Benoit recently posted..The ultimate guide to a healthy and successful relationshipMy Profile

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