How to Make Decisions in Your Life

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Dan

Since 2001, Dan O'Neil, the Cracking Confidence Coach, has been helping people to take control of their lives and improve their confidence and self-esteem. He runs regular Confidence Workshops and writes articles all over the net.

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Latest posts by Dan (see all)

How to Make Decisions in Your Life - August 19, 2011
Procrastinating? Lacking Motivation? Try Piling On The Pain. - May 30, 2011

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Decisions are Hard

We live in a world where we are awash with decisions and choices to make. From whether to have an iphone, a blackberry, an android or whatever, to what shall I have for my dinner? The main issue is that there isn’t normally a this or that choice, it’s more like “select one option from several hundred”.

A few months ago I was contacted by a national newspaper to find out why I thought people were finding it hard to make decisions in their lives. They had already noticed that the world we live in is part of the problem… particularly for young people, where they believe that the choice of phone or clothing actually defines who they are. The truth is that it only indicates where they choose to belong – this is a normal part of teenage and young life, to assess yourself and discover who you are based on where you seem to fit. As we get older, we tend to lose this need to belong – it’s not right or wrong!

Children shouldn’t have to make decisions…

Something I learned a few years ago from my daughter’s kindergarten teacher is that a happy child is one that doesn’t get presented with choices. If we offer our children this or that, most of them find the pressure too much to handle. We literally overwhelm them with options. It’s much easier and they feel more secure if we make those decisions for them. As they get older (much older than you’d think…) they can begin to handle decisions and you can start them with simple choices between A or B.

If you’ve ever had that feeling when confronted with a huge menu in a restaurant of not being able to decide on what to have – almost to the point where you can’t really take any of the menu in… you’ll know how kids feel about being asked “what do you want for tea?” If you are a parent, implementing the no choice policy works wonders for the behaviour of your children.

Problem is… they are (as we all are) bombarded by shiny objects that they see on tv and in magazines. You know all that stuff that usually breaks within about half an hour and costs an arm and a leg! But they so desperately want to have it…

I digress…

Anyway, this post is not about parenting… it’s about how to make decisions as an adult, however the problems are rooted in our childhood and in the world’s view that we should have infinite choice. The thing that’s really clear, is that so many people never grow up and can’t apply an adult’s thinking to their choice making.

When it’s hard to decide between simple things, like your phone, or which laptop to get, imagine how difficult it is to make a decision on something major in your life. I’ve seen people who are literally paralysed by the simple choices and dread to think how they get on in deciding the stuff that will change the course of their life.

The reality is that none of your decisions and choices matter at all.

What matters is how you handle the decision you’ve made and whether you decide it is right or not. If you decide that your decisions are wrong, you’re going to have a hard time ever making them in the first place. If you decide to go with your decision and put your all into making it work (I’m talking about the big ones here, not choosing a mobile!) then that’s good enough. You can’t escape the possibility that at some point in time you’ll feel like you should have made a different choice… however if your goal in life is to learn, to improve and to grow, you’ll see these times as your greatest opportunities to make an improved choice another time. Otherwise, you can spend your life in regret… you choose!

I’m pretty sure you can work out that it’s a good idea to do a pro’s and con’s list and to research into the subject in order to build up as good a picture as you can get. All obvious stuff I hope! BUT… for some people, this process actually makes the decision harder… you are looking for all the answers, making sure that you have all angles covered to ensure you don’t make a wrong choice. It’s never going to get that clear! At some point, you have to pack in the research and make your best guess at the right choice…

The bottom line is that if you do not decide then you are actually deciding… so basically, not making decisions is the only poor decision you can make in your life.