Andrew M.
@ShynessCure
Latest posts by Andrew M. (see all)
- 8 Key Steps to Permanently Cure Your Shyness - February 2, 2013
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Shyness is a normal thing! Each and every one of us has felt shyness many times throughout our lives. The only difference between people is how well they manage to overcome and suppress their shyness.
With practice, anyone can gain self confidence and become skillful at interacting with others. It’s not a hard task really, and each of us has it in them. By knowing a few tips and having a sure-fire plan, anyone can learn to better control their emotions in order to have a fulfilling social life!
1) Keep your mind busy
I’ve talked to many shy people over the course of time, and many of them are annoyed by the inconsistency of their shyness. They felt very social and outgoing one day, but only to find themselves overwhelmed by anxiety again one week later.
Our thoughts are to blame for this. Have you ever noticed that, when you’re really busy and focused on something you have to do, you don’t even have time to think about your shyness? Not even mentioning feeling it. It’s as simple as this: if you don’t think about it, you don’t feel it!
When we’re busy and focused on our goals, our brain is simply too busy to auto-sabotage itself by thinking about anxiety. And this makes the feeling disappear wholly.
I you want to prolong those times when you’re in your social mood, you have to keep yourself too busy to think about your shyness, or to even remember about it.
Work to achieve your greatest goals in every moment of your life! Follow your passions and dreams, work to achieve them, and problems like shyness will simply disappear as a secondary effect!
2) Get out of your comfort zone
A very hard thing to do at first, but it is an absolute must if you want to permanently overcome your shyness, fast. It is the simplest and most effective way.
If you’re afraid of talking to strangers and the simple thought of asking a stranger how their day was so far makes you feel anxious, then this is exactly the type of exercise you should do in order to get over your shyness fast.
Just ignore your fear and do it. It’s not going to be easy the first few times, but as you keep practicing, it will become very natural and you’ll feel like a mega boss doing it!
Believe me, that feeling you get after you’ve overcome your fear for that specific moment is Awesome! The feeling you get after makes this exercise worth doing by itself, not to mention the long-term self confidence gain!
3) Be an active part of as many social groups as you can
But why would you want to do that? One single group of awesome friends that are there for you is great and makes you feel so comfortable! Well, I agree, but let me explain.
You need a various circle of friends to evolve in any aspect of your life (especially your social life). You need to be an active part of at least several different social groups. This means people that you hang out or talk with at least once a month.
The problem with being a part of only one, or of very few social groups is that they will unconsciously hold you from improving, from becoming the best version of yourself! They’ll hold you back without knowing. But how is that?
To be short, if you only have one group of friends you regularly hang out with, they will always remind you of who you were when you initially got to know them, and they will always draw you back to that stage. This is due to a psychological effect called social anchoring.
The only real solution to this is to be a part of as many social groups as you can manage to get in, and to keep them separate! Never try to unite all of your small circles into one big group, because you’d then lose the purpose.
I’m not saying you should quit a close group of friends you’ve got now if it’s your only one! No way! What I mean is that you should always be looking for more social groups, while still being a part of your current ones. Expand your social circle!
4) Be memorable
Making others remember who you are comes with so many advantages. Memorable people are acknowledged and respected people. They’re always wanted around at any social event and in any social group, because of the value they bring.
You can be memorable by expressing your uniqueness. What I mean by this is that, whenever a seemingly crazy idea crosses your mind, you should act immediately, without thinking about potentially negative scenarios.
“It’s better to regret you did something, than to regret you didn’t do it!”
A crazy surprise for your friend’s birthday, a simple “thanks” to someone that helped you in the past, or simply being a positive person can all help you be memorable in other people’s minds.
5) Find solutions to cure shyness instead of complaining about it
One big problem I find at shy people especially is how much they complain about their life and daily issues.
EVERYONE has problems! And everyone cries about them all the time, everywhere: in their social life, at the TV, on their blogs, everywhere!
Be unique! Find SOLUTIONS! Never lose your time thinking about the problems, it won’t solve anything! Once you start acting to solve the problems instead of thinking about them, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you think and act.
Always surround yourself with positive people. People that complain all the time have a huge negative influence on your own thoughts.
6) Be friendly! Get to know others!
Be curious about other people. Don’t be afraid to tell them your name, and to get to know theirs. Make friends with everyone you get the chance to. It will result in many good opportunities in the long run!
Humans are the so called “social animals”, and there’s a reason for that. We cannot be happy if we don’t interact and network with others of our kind.
The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming to us, which is why you have no reason not to be friendly and open towards new relationships in your social life.
7) Learn to understand and correctly interact with others
They say the good speaker is, in fact, the awesome listener. Good listeners are sought after by everyone in our society nowadays. And this is because they’re so rare.
Everyone focuses on their own image these days, listens to their own thoughts while others are talking, and generally never care to really understand the one in front of them.
It is important to exercise your ability to empathise with others. This is the ability is to visualize yourself in another’s position, with their thoughts and feelings in a certain situation.
If you start doing this, you’ll have a revelation in terms of understanding others and their interests. Always try to empathise with someone you can’t understand or are having an argument with. It will greatly improve your chances of getting what you want from the interaction.
8) “Be Yourself” – The Overused Tip
“Be Yourself” is such an overused tip right now, you see it everywhere. It’s good advice, yet there is a major problem with it: it’s not applicable!
It’s not like anyone could consciously decide “Ok, I’ll be myself from now on, ALWAYS!” and their life would change radically from that moment on.
“Being yourself” has to be learned and exercised if you want to achieve it. And this can only be done by constantly getting out of your comfort zone!
Trying new things and putting yourself out there are the only ways for you to expand your comfort zone and learn how to be yourself in every social situation.
But be warned! Once you gain enough self confidence by constantly getting out of your comfort zone, you’ll start feeling godlike! You’ll basically feel like a boss and roll like one very soon! It’s all a matter of time and exercise, but it’s so well worth it!
Over to you
I’d love to see your own thoughts on shyness! Leave a comment and tell me about your own experience!
Also, please consider sharing this article with one friend you think it might help! Who knows, you just might change their life! 
If you’d like to read more of my articles, you can follow me on The Shyness Cure!
Twitter: shathyan
Good Article Bro.
Shyness is like a evil which spoils our reputation in front of others. Basically we get shy in front of people and crowd which the spotlight on us. We can also have some thing like public fear or the guts to face everyone.
All you steps will be really useful and we can make ourself to stand out from the crowd and impress others.
Thanks for the article.
Shathyan Raja recently posted..Price of Samsung Galaxy S 4 in US, UK and India
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello Shathyan,
The whole idea is that everything we do, we should do to develop ourselves and our own personality. Things like your reputation, other people, impressing the crowd.. these are all just secondary. They don’t truly matter.
I’m glad you enojyed the read!
Andrew M. recently posted..The Secret to Permanently Overcoming Your Shyness
Twitter: googlai
Hi Andrew ! You tips are really helpful to overcome form backward zone. Some people have special nature to be a patient but it can harmful their career. We should be in the front path. Thank you for your leadership skills tips which are usefull to every one to overcome from silence zone.
Googma Sansar recently posted..Rural Reconstruction Movement
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello Googma,
You can definitely be calm and easy-going at the same time, no problem! Also, every introvert person can be a social and people-loving one. It’s just a matter of knowing what to do to get there!
I’m glad you enjoyed the article, hear from you soon!
Twitter: Dating_Advice4u
Hi Andrew!
Very well written article and some really nice tips. Practicing in front of the mirror will also help to boost self-confidence. Would love to visit your blog and share this article with some of my shy friends.
Thanks.
Diana recently posted..Ways To Make a Man Want You More updated Tue Jan 29 2013 6:40 am EST
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello Diana,
I indeed do have a friend that practiced the tone of his voice and also his body language in front of the mirror, and it did boost his self confidence just enough for him to start getting out of the comfort zone
Thanks for your feedback!
Hi Andrew !
I think all you’re steps will be really useful because a lot of people have something like fear in the public and you’re advice can really help this people.Even I have a friend who is afraid to go out in public. I think your advice will help it.I really appreciate your website and your article.
Thanks !
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello Michael,
Thank you so much for your feedback!
Share this article, and my blog, with your friend! Who knows, he may be so grateful to you later on! Would love to have you both in our community!
Andrew M. recently posted..The Secret to Permanently Overcoming Your Shyness
Being shy is one of the things I regret most when I was younger. I could have experienced a lot of things and meet a lot of people if I wasn’t too shy at that time. Now, I think I have overcome my shyness a bit.
Twitter: ShynessCure
Haha indeed Sarah, I often times think about the stories I’m going to tell my grandchildren about my youth.
What am I going to tell them then? That I was shy and did nothing exciting and interesting with my life? Definitely not!
Thanks for your comment! Would love to have you in our community!
Twitter: fred_henning
Hey Andrew-
Talk about shy? It was awful for me. Not that I was antisocial, I just didn’t have any social skills, kind of a nerd. I knew I was missing out on something. So, I made a plan to fix it. Yup! A real plan!
I began by forcing myself to be among large groups of people. That was not easy, since I don’t like crowds. Places like dance lounges, activities, anyplace where there was a mix and a lot of distractions. My thought was, if I messed up, who would remember me?
I knew I would make social mistakes. That was an uncomfortable thought. But that is why I was there, to overcome them. So I let myself. But, who cared? I’ll never see them again.
Eventually my plan worked. All I did was stick to it. About a year later I was having fun interacting with folks and confident enough in myself to blend into any conversation or gathering. That’s a good feeling!
Man! That was a great article you wrote!
Fred
Fred Henning recently posted..Create a Lasting One Minute Conversation in Seconds
Twitter: ShynessCure
I love your idea, Fred! It is interesting how controversial this subject is. A lot of people tell me they’ve found it easier to overcome their shyness by going out in groups of close people (friends), learning to grow together this way. On the other hand, many think the more direct confrontation of your shyness (as you’ve mentioned) is the way. I think both can work, but the latter is a much powerful and faster way to overcome social fears.
Another good idea may be making A PURPOSE out of failing in social situations. Think “OK, today I WANT to fail! I just want to do it, and see what happens!”. One exercise I used to do is to just go up to girls and tell them “I want you to reject me. I want to see how that feels, so give it your best shot!”. I’ll probably share the results of that exercise in a following article!
Thank you a huge bunch for adding value to this article through your comment, Fred! I’d love to hear more of you soon, and would greatly enjoy having you in our community!
Andrew M. recently posted..14 Reasons You Always Give Up New Year Resolutions
I am not shy at all (just a little bit in my childhood
) Your post still helps me….
Zeeshan recently posted..LockerPro Lockscreen 2.7.5 (v2.7.5) Apk Android
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello Zeeshan,
I believe every person is shy in certain situations. I know I still am!
The difference is that some people know how to control and overcome their anxiety, while some struggle with it.
I’m glad you’ve found this post helpful!
Nice post, Andrew.
“Just be yourself” is the worst possible advice anyone can give, not because being “yourself” is bad, but because of the way people inherently interpret this phrase.
I would say that if you are not being yourself, you are basically lying to people; you are making them like someone that is not really you.
Lots of people (especially men) hear “just be yourself” and interpret it as “don’t change anything”, which is why they often find themselves months or years later in the same place they were when they first set out to overcome their social inhibitions. If you do not change the process, you will not see a different outcome.
Being “true to yourself”, as I prefer to say, is a modified version of this advice in that it serves as the overarching rule of self-development. Do X, Y and Z to make yourself more social/confident/attractive etc, all the while being true to yourself. Congruence combined with genuinely breaking down your destructive social patterns and mental processes is the best way to exert real change in your life.
Thanks for the post Andrew. I am sure this will help lots of people. I can relate to it quite a bit, based on my own journey of self-development years ago. I look forward to reading more from you!
EVO
Twitter: ShynessCure
So much truth in your reply, Evo! Especially about how people misunderstand this piece of advice!
I also like how you’ve mentioned congruence. If you just try to apply social patterns (or discussion patterns) that you’ve read on the internet, without adapting anything to your own personality and way of being, then you’ll never be able to be congruent in your interaction with another.
I believe the best, Real way to overcome your shyness is to constantly get out of your comfort zone and expand it as much as you can (or want). I’d love to know, what do you think is One best way to overcome shyness fast?
I liked your reply and I’d love to know your answer!
I also think one’s self-development journey should never end
Thank you so much for your reply Evo, and I’m looking forward to your answer!
Twitter: GeekandJock
I know quite a few shy people myself and the biggest challenge is them admitting they’re shy in the first place. My wife is one of them. They are shy about being shy.
Loved the tips and tend to agree with Evo above about being yourself too.
An initial winning tip is to actually first admit and want to overcome shyness and then buddy up with a non-shy person who is wiling to help you flow into your outward self. Sort of a ‘shyness wingman’.
Great post though. Good content.
Twitter: ShynessCure
Haha Martin, the teaming up thing was epic! Especially having found myself in the “non-shy wingman person” position last night!
I went with my best female friend at this party, and I just recently talked her into self development, the comfort zone and similar concepts. I told her we’re going to get the hell away from our comfort zone together at this party. We danced together the whole night, and I basically did everything that crossed my mind as “I’d feel uncomfortable doing that” with her. We danced in the spotlight, in places where noone else danced, and were the middle of attention for most of the night. I felt awesome! And it just added to my inner peace when I got home and received her “Thank you for teaching me how awesome life out of the comfort zone is!” text!
Having blabbered so much about myself, YES, I do believe your words are wise, Martin! Thank you so much for your reply!
Twitter: GeekandJock
Oh so glad something magical came from my suggestion, Andrew.
Shyness, for the most part, is a mental block and state of mind if you ask me. We all have it going on inside our heads, in some way.
I know I’m shy when it comes to speaking in front of a crowded room yet burst out with gusto in a small group. It’s a mental thing I know I need to work on and the more you work on it, the easier it becomes to overcome.
Sounds like you’re the new breed of alpha male now
Martin recently posted..3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Borne
Nice post. I have to figure out how to get my 4 year old som out of being shy. He is the only one in our family that is shy. My other kids aren’t shy at all. It’s crazy. In time!!!
J. Seals recently posted..The Truth About Windshield Rain Repellents.
Twitter: ShynessCure
Heya, J!
I’d say don’t worry about it!
Different is good! Who knows? He just might be a little genius! He probably feels how important his reputation is already, and doesn’t want to spoil it!
Either way, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s way too early.
Thanks for your reply, J!
Your thoughts on this are interesting – I’ve found that getting older cures shyness.
I think that as you get more used to interacting with people, you gain social confidence – it happens naturally.
Now, I’m so old that I’m not at all shy, but I find I no longer want to socialize (if I ever did) and prefer stay at home and write for my blog. I have a few good friends, but I don’t feel the need to be in constant contact with them to maintain our friendships. And they feel the same.
When you are young you feel the pressure to go out and socialize, which for shy people can be difficult. Having ‘confidence’ seems to be required of young people today. You can see and hear it in the media: everyone thinks that having ‘confidence’ equals social success. I disagree.
One thing I have learned is that I prefer shy people (who tend to be modest, thoughtful, interesting and kind) to the party-going lot – who are often arrogant, brash, loud, boring, all-about-me types.
I far prefer quiet and thoughtful people. So if you are shy, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed, be proud!
Be yourself and only socialize as much as you want to – not what other people tell you to do. So-called ‘confidence’ often masquerades as selfish, self-promotion with a breathtaking sense of entitlement.
You do not need to be the life and soul of the party to be successful in life.
Carol recently posted..Website Security: Security Checklist For Bloggers
Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello, Carol!
There are different types of confidence. And confidence in yourself is at the least a STRONG bonus towards being successful! You have to believe in yourself, you have to have confidence in you succeeding. If YOU don’t believe in your own success, then why would anyone else?
Also, arrogance is a totally different thing from confidence. Being arrogant can give you a false feeling that you’re confident (or alpha), but all you’ll achieve with this is making any potentially good friend leave you. I’ve learned that myself in the past, so I know the people you’re talking about are not “confident”
Besides, there are very confident people that, just as you say, are quiet and thoughtful! And I like that type of people too! I also definitely agree that you don’t have to be the soul of the party to be successful – no way! Let the people that are naturally good at that do it, and do what YOU are naturally good at! What if this whole world was full of “souls of the party”? What then?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Carol! As a youngster, I honestly appreciate it a lot! Hoping to hear more of it soon
Andrew M. recently posted..14 Reasons You Always Give Up New Year Resolutions
Very well written article and some really nice tips.I think all of your steps will be really useful because a lot of people have something like fear in the public and your advice can really help this people. Would love to visit your blog and share this article.
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Twitter: ShynessCure
Hello, Taswir!
Thanks for your feedback!
And do share this article with that one shy friend of yours! They may be so thankful to you later!
Twitter: ArdivJauhari
Thanks for the post Andrew. I find that when you consistently push yourself to start a random conversation with anyone, your shyness tends to fade off little by little and you start gaining more self confidence! Consistency is the key everyone!
Ardiv Jauhari recently posted..What Is Entrepreneurship?
Twitter: ShynessCure
That’s exactly what I call getting out of your comfort zone, Ardiv!
I’m currently working on a new programme in which I talk about this, “Drifting Out Of Your Shyness”, and am really excited about it! Can’t help mentioning this!
Thanks for your comment!
Andrew M. recently posted..14 Reasons You Always Give Up New Year Resolutions
Twitter: HealthGladiator
Hi Andrew,
I used to blush all the time as a kid and have always considered myself shy.
But people don´t see me as a shy guy any longer, even if I sometimes feel that way.
I not exactly sure how I overcame my shyness, but I believe it has to do with my diet.
I think what people eat can creat great emotional and mental imbalances like shyness…
My advise is that people cut down synthesized sugars and unnatural additives like MSG and artificial sweeteners.
Those things that you can find in practically everything packaged and processed affect your nervous system big time, so probably I cured my shyness when I stoped eating those things people call “food”…
Thats awesome post Andrew! Its definitely helpful post for those who are to shy. Take care, Justas.
Justas recently posted..Official Body-for-LIFE Weight-Training Plan
Twitter: It_Freelancing
If you’re really a shy person, it means you afraid of talking to stranger or unknown people. That’s where the exact problem exists, you should try to speak with unknown people by finding out good reason. That certainly going to help you out.
Pankaj recently posted..Online Recharge Software Development
Twitter: ShynessCure
Yes Pankaj, I think not feeling comfortable talking to unknown people is one of the main things getting into a shy one’s happiness. But by learning to get out of your comfort zone and doing it gradually, you can definitely overcome it and do things you never imagined you could!
Great share, very well written article and some really nice tips. I believe your steps will be very useful because a lot of people have something like fear in the public and your advice can really help this people. Thanks!
Lydia J recently posted..overseeninathens
Shyness can cause a lot of trouble unless an individual finds ways to fight it. I liked your tips. Indeed, people are shy if they have enough time for thinking of their weaknesses and potential failures. It’s always better to be busy and get involved in a number of social groups. Even though the advice ‘be you’ is overused, it’s still the most effective one. It’s hard to think of something more helpful than this one.
Jack Milgram recently posted..10 Funniest Quotes about Students
Twitter: ShynessCure
I always say it is important to have a passion to follow in life, Jack!
Thanks for your comment!
Twitter: prabhatrayal
hello andrew,
shyness occurs due to the lack of confidence and i think you have written a great post on this topic. some people feel shy when they talk to others. these people should be engaged with others and be an active part of society as you’ve mentioned above.
prabhat recently posted..BlackBerry 10 Released : Features and Specifications
Twitter: ShynessCure
Great point that shyness is mainly due to lack of self confidence, or due to a degraded image about yourself. Thanks for your comment, prabhat!
Twitter: AlisonMSmith
Very simple, practical ideas. I have a child who can really benefit from your steps. Thanks, I’ll pass this post to her.
Alison Moore Smith recently posted..100DC Day 33: Adapt to Circumstances
Twitter: ShynessCure
I’m glad you liked them, Alison!
Thanks for your comment, and for spreading the luv!
Andrew M. recently posted..The Secret to Permanently Overcoming Your Shyness
Twitter: internetdreamof
It takes practice in any endeavor you want to take.
Shyness can be something that can always be improved.
You just have to be willing to go through the fire and learn many new things about yourself.
Samuel Pustea recently posted..The Best SEO Tools I Recommend!
Twitter: ShynessCure
Truth lies in your words, Samuel! I like how you pointed out that shyness is something you can always improve at yourself. Each of us feels anxiety when put in situations we’re not used to, which is why controlling this anxiety is definitely one thing you can and should keep improving at yourself.
Thanks for your great comment!
Twitter: julidarmaputra
Nice tips andrew, from your step I can conclude to cure the shyness is by improve the bravery and mental strength
Julidarma recently posted..The Effective Way To Lose Weight With Green Coffee
Another tip I find useful when dealing with shyness is when I’m in a social situation, say a classroom, to imagine the situation as if you were not there. Pretend what would be happening if everything in the room was the same but your presence. This type of thought gives you a healthy sense of social perspective, and removes misguided timidness much of the time. The goal should always be maintaining a sense of objectivity and not getting lost inside oneself!
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Twitter: Rohitkabdwal
Great article Andrew but I think you should use more appropriate word in the place of shyness.., it could be Hesitation or timidity..,
by the way very informative article…:)
i think the word shyness is okay rohit, but yes hesitation can also be used in place of it. and he has provided some great tips about how to cure it
raj recently posted..Temple Run for PC Free Download for Computer, Android
Twitter: techbuzzes
Seriously such a wonderful tips and a detail explanation given. it motivates us to follow as you have pin down. as a shy person i would like to try them all slowly. thanks for the great article.
Mohammed Siadath Ali recently posted..4 Ways to Access Google Drive
Twitter: findsalestalent
Great article. Growing up I was one of the shyest people around. As a teenager I got a job in a restaurant which really forced me to interact with people and I eventually got through it. Now I can talk to anyone anywhere anytime
i am very shy as a person and dont think this ever gonna change because it getting big deal as i m getting curious about it more
wazz recently posted..Yeah !!! You can workout at home !!!
Twitter: @bestofshayari1
actually indeed shyness spoils your personality…shyness covers all of your quality.it is like you want to express but shyness could not let it be.
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Twitter: surajramnani
Hi,Nice detailed article..This will help in a lot of ways to come over shyness..But this will need to be practiced to perfect
Suraj recently posted..Tomb Raider 2013 timed exclusive DLC for Xbox 360 announced
Hi there,
I have faced it, shying away from people and fully insane (you can say!) around my friends. In reality, still facing it, I just can’t have the large amount of confidence needed to get out of my comfort zone. Let’s see if these steps work for me.
Thanks for the post!
Anurag recently posted..Social Bookmarking Sites List With High PageRank (PR)
Thank you Andrew for a great post. I also suffered from shyness before, but I haven’t heard about social anchoring before. Thank you for that advice.
Dave recently posted..How to Be More Self Confident
Twitter: mchhimwal
Hello Andrew
Shyness is the thing which sometimes comes in front of success.One should must overcome it.You done a great job on how one can overcome his shyness once and for all.Interacting properly is the key point as it also improve once self confidence,k which is the main cause for shyness.Thanks for nice sharing.
Mahendra recently posted..After Earth Movie:Will Smith’s upcoming movie full details
What an inspirative article! Thanks a lot!
As for me, I’m a very shy girl. But time to time, I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone to feel this awesome feeling, you know
Ksiusha recently posted..Karaoke en Ruso
great tips
shyness can become a hurdle in your success..do not let it ruin you.you have shared a great article here
raj recently posted..Free Download Subway Surfers For PC, Android and Computer
Hey Andrew,
Nice post and Thanks for sharing these useful tips with us. I think everyone is facing this problem and by using these tips you mentioned above we can come over this problem. Switching our mind to other direction is a good way to reduce our shyness.
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