Andrew M.
Latest posts by Andrew M. (see all)
- 8 Key Steps to Permanently Cure Your Shyness - February 2, 2013
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Shyness is a normal thing! Each and every one of us has felt shyness many times throughout our lives. The only difference between people is how well they manage to overcome and suppress their shyness.
With practice, anyone can gain self confidence and become skillful at interacting with others. It’s not a hard task really, and each of us has it in them. By knowing a few tips and having a sure-fire plan, anyone can learn to better control their emotions in order to have a fulfilling social life!
1) Keep your mind busy
I’ve talked to many shy people over the course of time, and many of them are annoyed by the inconsistency of their shyness. They felt very social and outgoing one day, but only to find themselves overwhelmed by anxiety again one week later.
Our thoughts are to blame for this. Have you ever noticed that, when you’re really busy and focused on something you have to do, you don’t even have time to think about your shyness? Not even mentioning feeling it. It’s as simple as this: if you don’t think about it, you don’t feel it!
When we’re busy and focused on our goals, our brain is simply too busy to auto-sabotage itself by thinking about anxiety. And this makes the feeling disappear wholly.
I you want to prolong those times when you’re in your social mood, you have to keep yourself too busy to think about your shyness, or to even remember about it.
Work to achieve your greatest goals in every moment of your life! Follow your passions and dreams, work to achieve them, and problems like shyness will simply disappear as a secondary effect!
2) Get out of your comfort zone
A very hard thing to do at first, but it is an absolute must if you want to permanently overcome your shyness, fast. It is the simplest and most effective way.
If you’re afraid of talking to strangers and the simple thought of asking a stranger how their day was so far makes you feel anxious, then this is exactly the type of exercise you should do in order to get over your shyness fast.
Just ignore your fear and do it. It’s not going to be easy the first few times, but as you keep practicing, it will become very natural and you’ll feel like a mega boss doing it!
Believe me, that feeling you get after you’ve overcome your fear for that specific moment is Awesome! The feeling you get after makes this exercise worth doing by itself, not to mention the long-term self confidence gain!
3) Be an active part of as many social groups as you can
But why would you want to do that? One single group of awesome friends that are there for you is great and makes you feel so comfortable! Well, I agree, but let me explain.
You need a various circle of friends to evolve in any aspect of your life (especially your social life). You need to be an active part of at least several different social groups. This means people that you hang out or talk with at least once a month.
The problem with being a part of only one, or of very few social groups is that they will unconsciously hold you from improving, from becoming the best version of yourself! They’ll hold you back without knowing. But how is that?
To be short, if you only have one group of friends you regularly hang out with, they will always remind you of who you were when you initially got to know them, and they will always draw you back to that stage. This is due to a psychological effect called social anchoring.
The only real solution to this is to be a part of as many social groups as you can manage to get in, and to keep them separate! Never try to unite all of your small circles into one big group, because you’d then lose the purpose.
I’m not saying you should quit a close group of friends you’ve got now if it’s your only one! No way! What I mean is that you should always be looking for more social groups, while still being a part of your
4) Be memorable
Making others remember who you are comes with so many advantages. Memorable people are acknowledged and respected people. They’re always wanted around at any social event and in any social group, because of the value they bring.
You can be memorable by expressing your uniqueness. What I mean by this is that, whenever a seemingly crazy idea crosses your mind, you should act immediately, without thinking about potentially negative scenarios.
“It’s better to regret you did something, than to regret you didn’t do it!”
A crazy surprise for your friend’s birthday, a simple “thanks” to someone that helped you in the past, or simply being a positive person can all help you be memorable in other people’s minds.
5) Find solutions to cure shyness instead of complaining about it
One big problem I find at shy people especially is how much they complain about their life and daily issues.
EVERYONE has problems! And everyone cries about them all the time, everywhere: in their social life, at the TV, on their blogs, everywhere!
Be unique! Find SOLUTIONS! Never lose your time thinking about the problems, it won’t solve anything! Once you start acting to solve the problems instead of thinking about them, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you think and act.
Always surround yourself with positive people. People that complain all the time have a huge negative influence on your own thoughts.
6) Be friendly! Get to know others!
Be curious about other people. Don’t be afraid to tell them your name, and to get to know theirs. Make friends with everyone you get the chance to. It will result in many good opportunities in the long run!
Humans are the so called “social animals”, and there’s a reason for that. We cannot be happy if we don’t interact and network with others of our kind.
The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming to us, which is why you have no reason not to be friendly and open towards new relationships in your social life.
7) Learn to understand and correctly interact with others
They say the good speaker is, in fact, the awesome listener. Good listeners are sought after by everyone in our society nowadays. And this is because they’re so rare.
Everyone focuses on their own image these days, listens to their own thoughts while others are talking, and generally never care to really understand the one in front of them.
It is important to exercise your ability to empathise with others. This is the ability is to visualize yourself in another’s position, with their thoughts and feelings in a certain situation.
If you start doing this, you’ll have a revelation in terms of understanding others and their interests. Always try to empathise with someone you can’t understand or are having an argument with. It will greatly improve your chances of getting what you want from the interaction.
8) “Be Yourself” – The Overused Tip
“Be Yourself” is such an overused tip right now, you see it everywhere. It’s good advice, yet there is a major problem with it: it’s not applicable!
It’s not like anyone could consciously decide “Ok, I’ll be myself from now on, ALWAYS!” and their life would change radically from that moment on.
“Being yourself” has to be learned and exercised if you want to achieve it. And this can only be done by constantly getting out of your comfort zone!
Trying new things and putting yourself out there are the only ways for you to expand your comfort zone and learn how to be yourself in every social situation.
But be warned! Once you gain enough self confidence by constantly getting out of your comfort zone, you’ll start feeling godlike! You’ll basically feel like a boss and roll like one very soon! It’s all a matter of time and exercise, but it’s so well worth it!
Over to you
I’d love to see your own thoughts on shyness! Leave a comment and tell me about your own experience!
Also, please consider sharing this article with one friend you think it might help! Who knows, you just might change their life! 
If you’d like to read more of my articles, you can follow me on The Shyness Cure!
