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1. Don’t buy your own domain name and hosting account. At about ten dollars a year, those services are a complete rip-off! Nothing says professional like presenting your content on a free theme at Blogger.com or WordPress.com.
2. Don’t spend time writing engaging, keyword-rich headlines in your post titles. Google searchers will find your blog based on the power of intention and your inner beauty, not your post titles which show up in the results pages of search engines! It’s not like anyone thinks the words in post titles are the most important element of a blog’s SEO strategy or anything.
3. Write about subjects well-suited for Facebook updates. Everyone loves reading about what you did last weekend and how long the lines were at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Oh, the horror!
4. Don’t do keyword research. Performing keyword research with tools like Wordtracker, Keyword Discovery, and Wordze is for get-rich-quick schemers and probloggers like Darren Rowse, Aaron Wall, and Brian Clark, not for “little old me.” Why would you want to write about the keyword phrases people are searching for anyway?
5. Don’t spend time researching topics to write high-quality, useful, unique content. People who make money online don’t treat it like a job! It’s better to just write your blog posts quickly between re-runs of the Golden Girls, Little House on the Prairie, and Oprah. Did you hear she has her own network?
6. Don’t post frequently or on a regular basis. The thrill of being one of your blog readers is in the anticipation! And besides, all those posts where you apologize to your readers for being busy make riveting reading material!
7. Copy and republish your favorite blog posts from other blogs. There’s a reason those other bloggers are so successful, and you might as well copy their work so you can reap the benefits! All that copying is helping you improve your writing skills and besides, Google doesn’t notice duplicate copy.
8. Don’t work on a linkbuilding campaign. Linkbuilding is for people who don’t have time to keep up with the Golden Girls. If people don’t type in the exact urls to your blog posts, they don’t deserve to read them! Except Mom. She’ll always be your number one bookmarker.
9. Never, ever link out to other blogs! Why link to other blogs? It only helps them, not you. And no bloggers would ever notice a link to them and return the favor. The internet isn’t some communist day care center! Linking out is for fools.
10. Never, ever respond to comments readers leave on your blog. Responding to your readers is like looking in the eyes of a homeless person on the street! Whatever you do, don’t lower yourself to their level.
11. Never, ever write posts with numbered lists or rankings. Other people write enough of those types of posts. And besides, bloggers hate linking out to list posts!
12. Writing guest blog posts is for dummies! Busy bloggers would rather write their own content than feature compelling content written by strangers. Nothing good ever came from guest blogging or vegetarianism.
What tips or advice would you offer for creating a blog Google and readers will hate?
Abbie Waters blogs about infertility, IVF (in vitro fertilization), egg donation, and other infertility treatments at FertilityNation.com.
Twitter: techwork_dk
says:
Hi Abbie
I think will go for a blog that both search engines and readers will love instead.
I think I will try not to use any of your tips
Thomas´s recent blog post ..Follow your twitter stats with twittercounter- part 1
Twitter: FertilityNation
says:
Thomas, I’m glad you’re not taking my advice. Good luck!
Abbie Waters´s recent blog post ..How Much Does IVF Cost
Twitter: commentluv
says:
well done Abbie, that’s exactly the kind of guest post that can get your site noticed and your author links clicked. great work.
Andy Bailey´s recent blog post ..Guest posters. It is ready for you! PR6 and HIGH traffic
Twitter: FertilityNation
says:
Thanks for the kind words, Andy. And thanks again for creating ComLuv…I’ll be writing guest posts in the future.
Abbie Waters´s recent blog post ..How Much Does IVF Cost
Twitter: therocketrider
says:
Abbie’s exactly right. I had no intention of reading another blog, (I was just registering at CommentLuv) but your headline did it.
Then I read the whole thing.
Now I’m commenting!
No wonder I get nothing done…..
Bruce´s recent blog post ..ActuallyRank – Almost a month in…
Twitter: NaturalArtMedia
says:
I just found (and installed) ComLuv 2 days ago. Great advice Abbie – unfortunately, I’ve actually followed some of it
– like saying how busy I’ve been – sheesh – what was I thinking…
thanks!
John Manuel´s recent blog post ..Ruins
Twitter: FertilityNation
says:
John, I’m glad you learned something!
Abbie Waters´s recent blog post ..Should Infertility Treatments Be Covered By Insurance
Twitter: wongjiajun
says:
Haha~~ For me. “NOT TO” types of blog post title do attract people to read on.
Anyway, thanks for the post Abbie, I’ll digest it to convert to what is need to do in the blogosphere. Haha
jiajun´s recent blog post ..The Not-To-Do List- 18 Common Habits You Should Stop Right Away
I just dont understand it! I have been doing this for years and I still get no traffic in any of my blogs!
In all seriousness this is a very good anti-list and I have passed it on to a friend who is becoming an aspiring blogger.
All the best
~Chris
Twitter: twitdood
says:
Hey Abbie,
Nice post…love the reverse psychology. Is that a new technique I haven’t heard of? I’ll have to try some of that…:)
Thanks,
Kev
Twitter: lektor_de
says:
@jiajun: you are right
“not to-posts” are just great!
@Abbie: thx for these great tipps, nothing new for me, but it’s godd to refresh sth sometimes
Paroli´s recent blog post ..Kursy niemieckiego dla opiekunek osób starszych
Whilst this is a good list, the reverse psychology is not my favourite.
I once read a post on how NOT to look after a particular plant. That hurt my head after a while.
Twitter: ditesco
says:
This is the perfect post me, just what I needed to have Google hate me, lol. Seriously, I think that if there are people who do not understand the way it is “normally” put, then maybe after this one they’ll finally get it. I had fun reading this, although you are missing one… Never ever use ComLuv, it only links to other people posts and you only want the links that are pointed towards you
Well maybe this has something to do with the commenting bit..
ditesco´s recent blog post ..Best SEO Tips
I went to visit my father on as he faded away in hospice. He looked alert so I asked him, What ya thinkin’ ‘bout Pa? He said, “I am not never thinkin’ about nuthin’.” Oooooo at triple negative, I responded. “No! He chided, “It is a conundrum!”
I found your posting paradoxically pleasant.
viasammilaw´s recent blog post ..Yielding to History
Twitter: IMLabz
says:
Great post!
I am having a little trouble with the comments on my site though, and I’m not sure what’s causing it. It didn’t get a feed for a a commenter, and I also tested on myself (different account than admin) to see if it would show again.
No cigar.
Maybe I’ll have to unplug some plugins :/
I see you are using Genesis (as I am) – have you had any trouble with plugins using this framework rather than just a standard theme?
Thanks!
Dean
Dean Jackson´s recent blog post ..Facebook Viral Marketing- Will You Ride The Social Media Wave Or DROWN
Twitter: jmpruitt75
says:
hey Abbie great post. Thanks for sharing. you forgot one. make sure you have more affiliate links and banners than content. that will really grab the right kind of attention.
Twitter: unclemike77
says:
Thanks for a smile this morning, great way to get the point across. As I learn more about blogging, I read a lot of similar tips, but not with this delivery. Although I feel I’m not guilty of most of these, I’m sure I need to look at several tips again. great post., thanks.
Twitter: backngroovemom
says:
Thanks….I so needed a good laugh today after having to explain death to my kids. I just love this post…..especially the part about never linking! Rachel
Rachel Blaufeld´s recent blog post ..when we need to step away -
Hey Abbie,
That made for an awesome read. The reverse psychology is a great way to attract readers. I personally really enjoyed it and I am NOT going to follow those tips
shree´s recent blog post ..Manage Your Projects Effectively With Project Management Tools
Twitter: familyfocusblog
says:
Oh no! This was too funny! I could see pieces of me though sometimes so I think I will go hide under a rock now! I sometimes hope my inner intentions will count.
Scarlet´s recent blog post ..Table Time- Why Eating With Family Matters
Twitter: FSYAonline
says:
Funny! I like the sarcasm. I think one of the best tips is to do keyword research.
LaTisha´s recent blog post ..Day Trading is Dead
Twitter: KatherineKrige
says:
Great List Abbie! I have half a mind to post this on my blog, but I think that goes against one of your rules. Damn!
Katherine´s recent blog post ..A Late Winter Storm
I have heard that we are not treated seriously for blogs hosted on free platforms and that was a concern for me. I was even thinking of purchasing one. But now it is a relief on hearing these facts.
I wonder there is a way to share this post across to friends? Don’t find a way to…
Emma´s recent blog post ..Your website and blog seen by millions on their browser
A Few Additions
Spend all of your time on keyword research.
Never write anything more complex than a 5 point list.
Always remember to tie yourself in knots worrying about social media.
Remember that a new Twitter follower is always superior to a back link from a .edu site.
Don’t think for one moment that content with substance will generate high quality organic back links.
Don’t worry that Google currently appears to be really drilling down and differentiating between organic versus forced SEO strategy.
Steve´s recent blog post ..Split Toning in Adobe Lightroom 3
Twitter: Tara_MommyHaha
says:
I think another way to make readers hate your blog is to lock down comments with Captcha and then comment moderation on top of that. Like I’m going to send anthrax through the comments or something.
Tara´s recent blog post ..I Think My Heart Just Grew
In other words, if you’re going to do it, do it right. Don’t cut corners. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, etc . . .
Thanks for the great post, and your wonderful sense of humor!
timmilli´s recent blog post ..What is Commentluv
Twitter: Tech2Hack4U
says:
I love this reverse thinking post…
Thanks for sharing.
Ankit Saini´s recent blog post ..Most Common SEO Search Engine Optimization Mistakes
Twitter: flatrockchris
says:
Great article.
Lets see, if I work the suggestions backwards, or upside down, or inside out, I should be able to do it ! Right ? ?
Thanks for sharing great tips on what to avoid so I can become better at blogging. Or what to do so I can become worse at blogging.
Just kidding.
You did a great job!
Melinda at Weiser Academy´s recent blog post ..Puppy Love
Twitter: alphabetix
says:
Great sarcasm. Also, don’t forget, never stay consistent with your marketing brand, always reinvent the wheel and start from scratch with every marketing move you make.
Alphabetix´s recent blog post ..webMentor – Round Three
Twitter: courtcan
says:
Also: Never, ever waste your time finding just the right image to go with your post. Your readers aren’t visually oriented at all, and a picture that you’ve selected to illustrate your topic will only dismay and confuse them.
Great list, Abbie — thanks!
Courtney Cantrell´s recent blog post ..I Dream- Therefore I Write — And Video!
Twitter: mahendra1270
says:
Hey Abby very well written post I love it great info
Great info.. wat a joke !
Love it
menreport´s recent blog post ..Twitter reached the age of five
Twitter: Omobilebonu
says:
Hi Abbie,
I love reading your rules.
Also, you can add:
Copy and post images from the other blogs/sites
Regards. Omo
omobilebonu´s recent blog post ..iPhone Mobile Casino Games Play
Twitter: wowfactortravel
says:
Quite contradictory to what I’ve been working on…but then again you got my attention, and made me think twice…:) Kudos to that!
Cruises Perth´s recent blog post ..Cheap Flights Perth to New Zealand
Twitter: MarieOverfors
says:
Abbie, I love the way you serve up excellent tips spiked with big-time humor. Give us more, please!
Marie Overfors´s recent blog post ..Stressed Push Your Pleasure-Getaway Button
Twitter: mainstreethost
says:
#3 was the best one. How many blogs like that have we all seen? Thanks for the laugh.
mainstreethost´s recent blog post ..Why You Need SEO Content Now More Than Ever
Twitter: bodynsoil
says:
I love your style and hope you don’t mind me breaking tip number 9 and linking to your post.
Bodynsoil´s recent blog post ..Mother Earth Garden Planner Update
Don’t visit my blog please LOL
Great list of thing not to do
Here’s a few more
Make your site boring Use the default template
OK OK I going to change mine my blog is only a few days old still looking for one
Use bad grammer and make lots of typoos
Donald Trump´s recent blog post ..Donald Trump on gas prices Seize Oil Fields in Libya and Iraq
Twitter: sbeachbodycoach
says:
Great post–wish I would have seen it when I started..know better now.
Twitter: casinobonusnow
says:
Hi Abbie,
I love reading the tips, I think your sarcasm would attract lots of visitors.
Regards. Tanya
tanyafox´s recent blog post ..Casino Bonus Codes Comparison
Twitter: dwmatty
says:
Abbie, I always appreciate some element of humor in a post, even if it’s found on a professional blog. I enjoyed reading all of these.
Matty
Matty´s recent blog post ..Legacy
Twitter: imagineworlds
says:
You forgot the part where music or video has to play automatically when you load the page.