Relationships: Does He Know He is Your Hero?

I started blogging about my journey back into my Little Black Dresses and when a friend and I challenged others to amp the intimacy in their relationships, ended up telling stories about Alpha Hubby. He's pretty neat and much more fun to talk about. Even if he does growl at me. A lot. Someday we'll look like my avatar!

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A Hero is important

A Hero

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away*

I can hear it now – “Hero?  Hero?  That no-good lazy bum is not MY hero!”  And yeah, lady, he knows it, too.

Sometimes I fixate on Alpha Hubby in my blog.  I didn’t start out blogging about our relationship. I started out journaling my journey (say that fast three times) back into my Little Black Dresses thus the name LBD Diaries.

Then a funny thing happened along the way.  The more I chatted about what Alpha Hubby and I have together, how supportive he is, and how amazingly *hot* our… well you get the picture.  When I chatted about those things, people responded.  I think it is amazing to be in a relationship that makes people gag but more than anything, I believe what we have anyone can have.

A Real Man: A Hero

A hero doesn't flirtWhat I’ve learned with Alpha Hubby is that a real man is a rare and precious thing.  If you find one, you need to cherish him.  And trust me on this, if you have a good man, some skank will want to come along and try to steal him.  At the office, she gets ideas (probably because she doesn’t have to wash his dirty gym socks).  At the gym, she’ll run in skimpy clothing.  Even in church, baby.  Ask me how I know.   If I weren’t fully 100 percent guaranteed… she would have gone DOWN.  OK, OK, I’m over it.

*Ahem.* Where was I.  Oh yes, my relationship with Alpha Hubby and how he helps me on this journey back into my Little Black Dress.  He is the total essence of what a real man is.  He taught me a lot about men, too.  Or, like he says, “At least that is how I am.”  And through research, I realize there are a lot of men out there who feel the same way as he does.

One thing I’ve learned is that a man needs to know he is your hero – that knight-in-shining armor who can ride in and rescue, fix and otherwise make life better for his woman.  Even if she doesn’t want or need him to.  Umm, ignore that last bit.  Men need to fix things.  So when we women talk to them about our thoughts, sometimes they want to FIX things when we just want them to listen.  And then fights ensue (which may or may not be representative of a conversation Alpha Hubby and I have had or may not have had) …

…with her, “You NEVER listen to me!”

And he’s like, “I do, too!  And I think you should do this about that.” 

Her, “AUGH! Quit trying to fix it.  I just need you to LISTEN!” 

Him, befuddled, “But I am!”  But he is secretly thinking, “I have the answer and if you’d just listen to it, then we can stop talking about this incessantly and move on to something else.  Like S*X.” 

Not that he’d EVER admit that out loud!

A hero deserves to know he is one to her

When His Woman Doesn’t Think He’s a Hero

 A man knows when his woman doesn’t think he is a hero. It’s in her actions, her facial expressions, her attitude, her tone of voice. It truly is in a woman’s power to build a man up and in her power to knock him down.  If there is one thing Alpha Hubby says a lot of is how most women have NO clue the power they can have over men.  Men don’t always want her to know she can have this power, but she can.  I think this is a “Man Secret.”

With one disgusted look or sneering comment, a woman can cut her man off at the knees.  Just one too many whines, “You NEVER do anything romantic for me” while he’s dragging in late at night from working 60 hour weeks to provide for her. Remember, that skank out there? Right or wrong, I’ll bet she can make him feel like a hero again.

I used to listen to women in the office on lunch break.  The things they shared (way TMPI**) and the nasty little remarks they made about their men – all just to hear affirmations, ‘Un huh, you got that right, girl!  Men!  Can’t live with them, can’t castrate them!  Ha ha.”  Being single I used to wonder what their men would think if they heard their women talking about them like that.

It’s poison.  Why?  Because the more you talk that way – even jokingly – the less you will respect him.  The easier it will be to keep talking that way.  The more FUN it will seem because everyone is laughing with you.  Aren’t you the clever one? Eventually it will begin to show in your actions.  And eventually he’ll notice because you don’t treat him the way you used to.

Stop Bashing the Hero

If you’ve gotten into the habit of man-bashing (or vice versa, men), stop it instantly even if you don’t see him as or think of him as a Hero.  If you fall back into the habit, recognize it, tell yourself to stop, and start again.  You trained yourself to “bash” and to focus on everything you believe he does wrong.  Re-train yourself to focus on his good points.  You once did that so easily. 

It may seem hard to break that bad habit but turn it around.  If he stood around the office and shared every little thing you don’t do right (and yes, shockingly, you do to have things you don’t do right), if he told the guys things about you that showed you in a bad light – how would you feel?  Men do that – chit chat about their wives at the office – but not Alpha Hubby.  They start and he walks away.  He’s no dummy.

How do I know?  By what we have developed with one another.  And, because if he did, he’d be afraid to sleep at night he would start treating me differently at home.  If I disrespect him, he’ll eventually know it.  In our 17 plus years of marriage, I have not one time spoken negatively about him to anyone else on earth, not even my best friend – well, he IS my best friend so that’s kind of hard!  But I once swore if I ever met a Hero, I would never do like those women did at the office on lunch break.

A hero has fun

 And baby, have I reaped the benefits of that!  He truly is my hero even after all these years.

*Song: Hero (Enrique Iglesias)
**TMPI:  Too Much Personal Information
All photos purchased at What a hero! 


  1. I follow Nan’s blog and not only does she make me laugh, she inspires me. Back when she challenged us to 30 days of intimacy last year my hubs and I took a look at our relationship with an eye toward more intimacy. We wanted to get back to being first in one another’s lives and getting back the intimacy 3 kids and the years got in the way of. Things like this post helped us refocus. Nothing like true romantics who are living the walk to help. I love humor in a blog, too!

    • Twitter:
      Hey Merz, I should have known you’d be first! Nothing is better that developing and keeping that intimacy in relationships. I think it is time for another challenge, don’t you? Thank you for the Luv and get yourself a blog, OK?

  2. This is true but I think that relationships have “lifetime” of their own – you may delay its end, but not stop it completely. As a matter of fact, one should enjoy the journey, not the arrival.
    Get Happy Life recently posted..How Creativity Makes You HappyMy Profile

    • Twitter:
      Thank you for taking the time to comment. I do agree that we should enjoy our journey. I believe that if one takes care of the relationship, they never arrive. They constantly grow together and become stronger and better.
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  3. Way to go BayBay, you hit it right on. For men this can be reversed, why should I bash her? She is my best friend. She is the one who was there in the beginning and helped me along, teaching me how to dress for success, teaching me how to speak and write, teaching me how to enjoy and relax, how not to sweat anything, how to exercise and eat right (so we could continue having a love life), how to romance her. Without her teaching me, I would not be where I am today. Sure I may be the one out front but without her support I would fail. She makes me look good all the time. Because of what she has taught me I am never intimadated by anyone person or group. So how important is the female Alpha? you can not put a price on her or stress her importance to the equation. She is my best friend, lover, defender, and heroine. Look and see what bashing would destroy.

  4. I know I haven’t been to visit your blog for awhile. Thought I’d help make up for it by coming to visit you over here. You are right, these people on here have some serious things to share. How did you get here? J/K I like this post. You did good to remind us how important it is to focus on a person’s good points. It is just too easy to focus on the bad!

  5. Twitter:
    I was wondering where you were – just glad to see you and thanks for coming by here to comment. And you want to know how I got here? Generosity.
    LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  6. I find it interesting that you quoted a song by Enrique… one of my favorites… I’m curious as to what you think a “real man” is? I know that everyone has their opinion, but what is your opinion?
    jenny 31 recently posted..The LatestMy Profile

    • Twitter:
      What do I think a real man is? I think there are some characteristics that are across the board and some that are “individual taste” if you know what I mean. I can only tell you what I think a real man is based on the one I have. A RM steps up and takes accountability and responsibility not only for his actions, but those necessary to protect his loved ones. He is honorable and knows what the word “honor” means. You can count on him no matter what. He keeps his word. He is confident enough in himself that he doesn’t have to put down anyone around him to feel better about himself. He does what is necessary to support the famiily. He also is supportive of the loved one’s hopes and dreams. It isn’t all about him. He is not a player and protects his relationship with his loved one. There is respect and a lot of not taking himself seriously. He may be “manly” but he has a wicked sense of humor. He may try to dominate but I won’t let him AND he likes that about me. And yes, in my case I know he woudl die for me.

      What do you think a real man is?
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  7. I think this article could also be applied to all relationships people have. This includes their friendships as well. Thanks.

    • Twitter:
      I agree! I was actually thinking that as I wrote it – that it can be reversed for men not to bash women. Hadn’t thought of it in the friendship arena but of course that is true. Bashing a friend would mean you really weren’t a friend at all!
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  8. sooper son says:

    good stuff

  9. I love Nan’s stories in her blog, she is funny and her relationship with her Alpha Hubby are inspiring full of love. She is just awesome and I’m really glad to have a friendship with her.
    Alexandra Román recently posted..Capítulo Cinco: La ruta Parte IIIMy Profile

  10. Dear, Nan,
    I looooooooove your Alpha adventures.
    I’m waiting for your book Called –”Where Art Thou, Alpah Man?”
    —Men need to fix things. That sentence stood out in Bright YELLOW INK.
    SOmetimes, I must say, that drives me insane…but that’s why we have girlfriends. RIght.
    Luv Ya, xxx

    • Twitter:
      Actually, I am writing a book about relationships. It is e-friends like you who keep me focused and going forward (and laughing a lot). Life is for living fully and joyfully!

      • Twitter:
        Oh, and oh yeah – that bright yellow sentence is a kicker! Until I learned that most men tend to want to fix, many fights may or may not have happened (I ain’t talking). Just because he wants to fix doesn’t mean he’s disrespecting me. We just communicate differently at times. Violently, too (just kidding).
        LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  11. Twitter:
    I follow Nan in an almost “stalker-like” manner. She always makes me smile. Although, sometimes, it’s a grimace. And come to think of it, sometimes it’s more like a tooth-ache grimace because she and Alpha Hubby have such a special love that I need an insulin shot after some of the things she says. She will have pity on me though from time to time and throw in a blog about throwing eggs at him (I think she does this just so we don’t think he’s PERFECT) LOL

    But I enjoy the stories.

    Hey Andy….. we need more guest posts like this !!!
    Cinnamon recently posted..~~~My Cinful Friday Hops~~~My Profile

    • Twitter:
      Oh no, neither of us is perfect, that’s for sure! I know the gag factor is high but we’ve both had relationships “the other way” – which is why what we have is valuable and precious. Hey, I deny that egg. There is no evidence (he ate it).
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  12. You are the bomb, woman. This stuff WORKS. If you love them, what do you have to lose by trying it?

    Thanks for sharing. I hope people really take this to heart in their important relationships!

  13. I’ve never said this to her or at least I don’t think I have… but Nan’s blog often makes me feel sick about what I did to my husband. Excuse, me, I meant to say my EX husband. ::sigh::
    Classic NYer recently posted..Poetry Corner Friday: Piano ManMy Profile

  14. Twitter:
    Excellent article.

    I definitely do not usually read relationship articles but you are a master of words and grabbed my attention.

    I totally agree that you can spread poison. This counts for relationships and business. Being positive and saying nice things brings all the good things to you.

    I never like to focus on negatives but always try to turn it into a positive and move forward with that.
    Mitz Pantic recently posted..Picking The Best Domain Name For Your WebsiteMy Profile

    • Twitter:
      Hey! You’re the video lady! Great article BTW. I’m with you – I don’t normally read relationship articles either – much less write them. So your first line was a wonderful thing to read – thank you! I consider that high praise, indeed. I hadn’t even thought about applying the principle to business, too! Great point.
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Sharing the LuvMy Profile

  15. Right on sister! You hit the nail on the head. I once heard a friend say “You know why so many people have affairs? Cause they’re so good in the beginning!” That is before you see the dirty socks and underwear!

    • Twitter:
      OK this was very funny – and so true. That’s why I had the intimacy challenge last year and earlier this year – keeping that fire going. Contrary to popular saying, it doesn’t have to ever go out. WHY would it? Socks and all, it’s the focus to have to keep on one another!
      LBDDiaries recently posted..Not An Ordinary LoveMy Profile

  16. Hi!,
    Just came over to show some LUV! I think you did a great job as a guest. I really enjoyed your post. I totally agree with letting the hub-ster know that he is your hero. Especially mine. He has a tough blue colar job & works 10 hour shifts in steaming hot conditions while I get to stay home with our three kids. Now Im not saying caring for our children isnt tough, it IS! But I get to be indoors working in the a.c and he has to do his job in the heat, in Texas it is just brutal. He doesnt complain, he does it cause he loves us therefor he is my hero!

    Great blog

  17. Way to go LBDDiaries! I really like your blog…made me think twice about my “hubby” and look back through the years we’ve spent together. Thanks for poking me in the head…ought to stop bashing my hero!

  18. Twitter:
    What a triangle…he’s your hero and once again- you are mine.
    Nan always says so eloquently what so many of us cannot verbalize.
    Your man is SMART Nan- after all, he married you!
    So great to see you featyred over here!
    Tracy Wilson recently posted..Defining MarriageMy Profile

  19. lol, Great article. So true in many aspects.
    Ricky Strode recently posted..Hypnosis: what it is used for and what else it can be used for?My Profile

  20. Twitter:
    Definitely a lot to think about here. Many women strip their husbands of their strength by hen-pecking them. Yet, they clearly want him to remain strong and manly. We can’t have the two together.

    I’ll visit your blog. I think we may write about the same things.
    Anne Lyken-Garner recently posted..Love Relationship QuotesMy Profile (dofollow)

  21. You are right. A real man is a hero and when you found the one cherish him forever.. Thank you for sharing this article it really inspires me in the same way.. My great pleasure to dropped by here and learn something new. Thanks!
    Natalie recently posted..CNA Certification OnlineMy Profile

  22. Very well said. You know those who haven’t yet engaged in a relationship are very strict and irritable (laughing) because they don’t know how to love with someone, they always focus on satisfying their lives. But then, I have mine now who always inspired me and also loved me. I will cherish him forever because he is my hero. Thanks for sharing this wonderful insights I’m impressed!
    Carter Wright recently posted..Natural Remedies For HeartburnMy Profile

  23. I think women know the power they have over a man…whether they admit it or not ;)
    Kevin recently posted..Girl Gets Ring is Live Now…….My Profile (dofollow)

  24. I would like to interject that it’s crucial to have an even ground on which both parties in the relationship see the other as a “hero”. The man in a relationship has no more obligation or right to take credit for this title, than the woman does. It’s a two way street, and both drivers are susceptible to the same circumstances
    Mike recently posted..Love Will Tear Us ApartMy Profile

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