The only person that really matters
I’ve been married for about eight and a half years. I don’t know everything about marriage. Actually, the longer we’re together I find out how little I know. I find that over time the high, highs and low, lows can even themselves out. This can bring you back to a sort of homeostasis in the relationship. It gets boring, could be another way of saying it.
How do you keep that spark? How do you elevate the normal every day routine to a higher level of normal on your own personal happiness scale?
Become a drug dealer.
No, no not illegal drugs or even legal ones. I can’t believe that’s immediately what you thought! How about the natural occurring drug that your body produces. Oxytocin. This naturally occurring “love drug” happens when you are affectionate towards your significant other. It’s what you were originally addicted to when you first starting dating way back when.
In large amounts it can make your stomach flutter and etch a permanent smile on your face for days because someone special to you gave you a strong dose of it. I believe they called it “twitterpated” in the movie Bambi. Well, folks it’s real and you can have it back with your loved one.
A simple thirty second embrace can get it started. Try it. Really need to enjoy it and you’ll find that you’ll feel a little better at the end of those thirty seconds. It is essential that you still get that “in love” feeling. It’ll make the rest or your day so much better.
These two things
I believe there are two secrets to happiness in this world. I told my wife about them years ago and we both firmly agree that I’m on to something.
Marry the right person.
Without that person’s love and support day in and day out you miss a great opportunity to get your dose of oxytocin. But it’s more than that. Most people want to be loved. Be with the right person who will love and support you.
Choose the right job or career.
You’re going to spend upwards of eight hours a day there. You might as well enjoy it. The good thing is, if you’ve picked the right person to be with, they will help you with your job selection. And no matter what, they will support you unconditionally during your career. But always remember to put your loved one ahead of your career if push comes to shove.
Can it really be that simple? Yes, I think so. Pick the right spouse and pick the right job for you and your life. If the job isn’t right, get another one. Jobs will never hug you back and love you unconditionally. If you have the right spouse, your job will be a far second to them.
I wish you good luck in your search.
excellent tips
I have been dating my GF for about 4 years and can only imagine what it feels like to be married for 8 years – there must be an extremely large amount of emotions that you both feel everyday.
In all reality – I do think that those 2 tips serve as a solid foundation for a successful marriage
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Emotions run both ways, positive and negative. I’d say a majority are all positive though. We get in our ruts but are able to keep working through them.
Just because we have 8 years under our belt doesn’t guarantee many more though. We have to keep working at it on a daily basis.
-Matt
reiter331´s recent blog post ..Super Monday
Twitter: oims
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I’ve been married for 29 years OMG! And it’s definitely been a mixture of highs and lows and middle of the roads. Finding the perfect person – most important! Finding the right career (or even job) of course!
Being happy with yourself…. priceless
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Thanks for your comments and congratulations on 29 years. I can only imagine and hope to get to 29 years. I know we’re on the right path but know that nothing is guaranteed.
-Matt
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Hi Matt,
Great post and I absolutely agree. I’ve never been married but my grandmother just had a birthday (I wasn’t able to go) and in talking to her on the phone she said she and grandpa have been married 62 years.
62 years! I said. What’s your secret?
She said, We hug each other every day. It reminds us of why we got married to begin with. Especially when I feel like choking him to death.
I laughed, but maybe you and her have something with this whole hugging business.
Thanks for the post AND the advice!
Vince
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Vincent,
Your grandmother is a genius.
My grandparents were married for 68 years and it just boggles my mind. I joke that life sentences are shorter for criminals!
But they were happy right up until my grandfather passed away. My poor grandma misses his dearly.
-Matt
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Twitter: webduck
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My husband and I celebrated our 40th anniversary last Sept. Not every day has been perfect of course, and to make things difficult I have fibromyalgia. We’ve been through it all though. Raising a son, military service, weddings, deaths, etc. The good, the bad and the hilarious. We ebb and flow with our emotions, but at the end of the day we like each other most of the time.
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Carol,
40 years! Wow, what an achievement.
I can relate to the military service. I missed our first two anniversaries due to a military deployment. A few of my friends marriages didn’t make it too much past the long deployment. Military spouses have always had a really tough job.
I was able to make it home for the birth of our fist child, a mere 10 hours before her birth. What timing!
-Matt
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Twitter: margaret_river_
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Great post and two brilliant recommendations.
If I can add one. I recently visited my great cousin in law, sounds distant I know but:
She is 94 and I asked her what the secret to her youth and vitality was.
Her answer? TO laugh out loud every day.
She looks on life with a smile and this is reflected within all those around her.
I am just so happy with my wife, of 5 years in a few days
and thank her for all the support she brings. Like many areas in life as two I know we are individually stronger.
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Margaret,
Laughing is underrated. I see how much my kids laugh and love life and wonder why I don’t laugh as much. So I try. But looking around the office these days, not too many people are happy or even smile. So I smile just to break up the monotony a little bit.
-Matt
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Twitter: TechChunks
says:
Great advice there – yes it is so important to marry the right person and to be in the right job. Failing to do either of these can guarantee you a life-long misery/unhappiness!
Great article indeed!
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Tech,
Thanks! The person that you spend the most time with and the place where you spend the most time need to be in sync to some extent. Those two things are where/who you spend 90% of your time.
-Matt
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This is super advice and really interesting also. I did not know there was actually a release of Oxytocin when you are in love. I would definatly agree that choosing the right job is also important, no matter how much you love someone if you are stressed for 8 hours a day then you will be unhappy no matter.
Twitter: reitertweets
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Exactly. You spend most of your day between the two.
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Great article! It goes along with what a fellow blogger and I did last year – we issued a challenge to others to create 30 Days of Intimacy in their relationships. It was interesting the people who “didn’t have time” for this (makes you wonder about the true state of their relationship). It also surprised all of us with the changes in attitude that developed because of the Challenge. Hubby had it toughest because he has to factor in the day job along with working the challenge but in the end? I think he had a great time (smile). We’re going to issue the challenge again this year. I really liked this post of yours.
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I bet those were a great 30 days.
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Hi Matt,
This is a great post – left me with a warm fuzzy feeling! My husband and I have been married for 3 years this year. We got married late by normal standards – we wanted to be sure we married right. Your point about marrying the right person is so spot on, I can’t imagine going through life with all its ups and downs being married to the wrong person.
Thanks for the advice AND the reminder!
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Gabi,
Enjoy! Glad this gave you some “warm and fuzzy” thoughts. Happiness reminders are good from time to time.
Matt
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Twitter: rakesh_narang
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Um… you can;t tell about both until you try them out while you can jump out of a job anytime jumping out of a marriage in not simple.
the true happiness comes when you are focused on achieving something worthwhile the rest is just myth… (moh-maya) as they say in sanskrit.
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Having a a purpose to your life helps with both for sure.
-Matt
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Well, I’ve chosen the right career for myself (web developer), but I haven’t done the first bit – marry the right person! Still, although I’m single, I’m happy most of the time. I’m still surrounded by people I love, such as my family and best friends.
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Victoria,
One doesn’t always have to be married or in a commited relationship to be happy. Thanks for your point of view.
-Matt
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you are right marrying the right person will make surly happiness because he/she will understand you and the co-operation always will be existed and he will support you in your bad time and this is the most important point in my opinion.
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My wife has recently proven your point. I’m so lucky to have her.
-Matt
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