I made this infographic because I wanted to raise awareness about people with infertility and the things we sometimes say that could hurt the feelings of infertile people trying to conceive.
I have a fairly optimistic view of human nature. I believe people usually want to be sensitive to others’ feelings. I know that people who use these sayings don’t mean to intentionally offend; nonetheless, these words can hurt the feelings of people using IVF or other infertility treatments. Infertile people who use costly fertility treatments like IVF are just like anyone else who wants to get pregnant and have a baby.
That’s why I believe the best approach is to raise awareness about the language we use to talk about infertility and having children. Raising awareness is always the first step in social change, and must be present before people’s actions change.
What do you think about these sayings? Do you find them offensive, or would they not bother you?
Infographic via: Words That Hurt Infertile People’s Feelings
First of all, thanks for getting your attention on this topic. I’d even broad your statement and argue that we should in general take more responsibility for what we are actually saying. Making faux pas is something quite common and I don’t really criticize this, but aren’t most people simply not aware of hurting people mentally (I’d love to get a feedback on this question)? I think every single one of this single on would hurt me in this situation, but on the other hand I think it shouldn’t be narrowed down to just infertile people – it applies to many other abilities and disabilities too.
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Twitter: FertilityNation
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Silvio, I agree that we need to be take more responsibility for our words. I think the first step is raising awareness, and that’s why I made the infographic.
Re. your question about whether people know they’re hurting other people’s feelings when they make these kinds of statements–I think most people DON’T know. Many people don’t understand what it’s like to have infertility, so they haven’t spent much time thinking about it.
Abbie Waters´s recent blog post ..10 Popular Sayings That Hurt People With Infertility – INFOGRAPHIC
There are two phrases that would hurt me.
some people pass comments that are so insensitive and offensive. as someone who has had first hand contact with an infertile couples ive seen the damage it can cause to beautiful relationships without other people adding on to their already strained relationship. Noone choses to be infertile and for people to pass such comments is down right selfish.
Twitter: FertilityNation
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Elaz – Your comment gives me hope that raising awareness about infertility will make people more sensitive to other people’s feelings.
painfull phrases but you can’t ignore these at all. only the person on the receiving end know the difference.
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that’s definitely true to bear with …so instead of dragging them down to despair, why not instead give them words of encouragement, right? saying things like that would only make things worse, and we don’t want it to turn that way
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As a women I must say that those word is really hurting women feeling. However I also can’t blame a man when say those things, So discuss with your partner about the problem and if the problem can’t be solved its better to ask help from doctor
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I think these are very commonly used sentences.People should mind whenever they say anything
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Attracted to this blog via comluv front page, but wanted to comment to address what I feel is a slight imbalance.
My personal views are that with the population in the majority of the world being unsuitable for either the whole or the region in relation to resources, economy, etc. I certainly wouldn’t highlight this to someone currently suffering fertility problems. This is something that needs to be considered by the person and as with many things in life, can’t be taught – only realised.
It would be interesting to look at the comments for their roots. Generally the comment is as noted faux pas, and guarding against such truisms and rhetoric in speech would greatly benefit the owner of said mouth! While it’s true we generally converse in metaform, sayings and cliché, I believe the real issue is that a commenter feels the need to display both empathy and solution to another’s woes. Whilst it would probably be far greater assistance to listen and wish them either success in goal or finding peace of mind.
Thanks to Abbie, as I see several sayings that I’d come out with innocently – it’s hard to consistently follow our own beliefs!
I can see how these phrases could hurt.
What would be better to say?
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I think just listening is enough, or offering words of support, like, “I’m sorry that’s happening to you” would do the job.
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The “It’s God’s will” and “just relax” ones really bug me, especially with people who go to the doctor for other stuff!
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Abby and commenters,
People really don’t know what to say–or not say–when it involves infertility or death (particularly of a child). Some people even say the most inappropriate things to an obviously pregnant woman. When I was pregnant with my first child, several people told me what I called “dead baby stories” about miscarriages and stillbirths. I remember wanting to put my hands over my ears and hum very loudly to drown them out. What were they thinking?
That’s why posts like this are essential. It would also be helpful to do a follow-up on what to say instead, how to listen and respond in a compassionate way.
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When you are a woman trying to conceive, you are so sensitive to these kinds of phrases. Language is what separates humans from animals, and yet we are often useless at using it. People do need to think before they say anything, but also when something does say something insensitive, they should be challenged.
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